Dr. Daughter Carolyn Salvi on July 28.

John and I were gifted a weekend at a friend's cabin/palace in Allenspark this weekend. It was beautiful, quiet, comfortable and a place I'd never been to. As we prepared to come home I realized that I felt a little stronger. I believe this has to do with the fact that I spent two days in a place where I had no "Kenny memories." I had a chance ( Read more... )

With the help of a trusted therapist I begin to unravel part of my grief over Kenny's death. The truth is I do feel taht I failed Kenny, and I'll probably always feel that way. I was his mother; it was my job to keep him safe, and that didn't work out so well. In some ways I feel like I've been fired. Yes, I wept about the living Kenny's injury ( Read more... )

It's only 1:30 PM and I find myself wishing for bedtime. This is one of those days when sadness just wells up, unbidden, and smacks me around. Staying busy isn't helping. Knowing that grief turns one around at its will is not helping me cope very well. I just want to sleep, but my tiredness is not cured by much of anything right now, save ( Read more... )

John, heroically, has driven with 95-year-old mom and me to Precott, AZ so that she could visit a child-hood friend who is even older ( Read more... )

I'm sleeping now in straight sets of hours. Sometimes six hours. Sometimes 8 or more. I haven't done this in over 25 years. I'm using sleep aids (drugs, to be honest) but no apologies are necessary. My body just does normal sleep one night, terrible dream-terrors another, then there is this "I am awake but my body will absolutely not move" ( Read more... )

Did you notice that the planet has not been orbiting at a steady rate since Kenny died? It wobbles noticeably. The folk at this house have little sense of what to do when, and while some tasks go smoothly (thank you, Hospice, for taking all the medical supplies), others are tests of my ability to concentrate and perserve. I am failing these ( Read more... )

My son, Kenny, died last night. He was my hero. Services are at 2:00 Saturday at Foothills Unitarian Church ( Read more... )

My son died at 11:45 last night. Carolyn, John and I were holding him as he died. It was very peaceful. My heart is broken.

John was reading a story to the downstairs children, who are not in public school and who live quite quiet, sheltered lives.

The youngest (4) looked at John's hand and exclaimed, "John, you have a clock on your arm!"