and, lo, there were dandelions, or a link thereto

https://www.instagram.com/p/CY-jOgzsUBF/
You're welcome to comment on LJ, but I'd rather you leave a comment on the Dreamwidth version of this entry. The current comment count is
( Read more... )

New tattoo!  Dandelions and ferns on the side of my left (unsurgeried) knee, wrapping around the back, which is not an area I suggest getting tattooed.  Or, I mean, do what you want, having tattoos anywhere is awesome, and I'd probably do it again in a heartbeat, as long as the heartbeat was more than three days from now.   It's a bit of a mindfuck ( Read more... )

 I'm listening to the same handful of songs over and over again this week, ones that I identify with end-of-year feelings   I think they're hopeful, maybe?  The list feels a little trite and dated, and maybe even a little forced, but also like something to cling to, so I'll keep doing it until it stops feeling helpful.

Steady On - Shawn Colvin
Amy ( Read more... )

 I've started this entry seventeen times, trying to hit a note other than "well, that happened".   I've got some side-eye about my impulse to do a year in review (despite enjoying other people's), but it's there and it's been there for a while now, so let's roll with it.    I wanted to group this by themes, I wanted to write it out chronologically ( Read more... )

 I've been doing that thing where I write three longhand pages every morning.  They're messy and rambly and I keep wondering if I'm somehow doing it wrong, but it also mostly feels good. They feel like a waste of time, too, but possibly since I'm not spending the time in any ways I recognize as legitimate, maybe for at least the moment, my time is ( Read more... )

I'm walking without a crutch.  Very slowly and with a locked brace, but without a crutch.

Today is 18 years without a cigarette.  We're going to buy some scratch tickets and a cake and I'm going to scratch them off (since neither my lungs nor whatever internal mechanism I used to make and hold to the decision actually have hands, thank fuck.)  ( Read more... )

 A little over a month since I started this bedrest, and I'm still surviving it.   Abundance and Light claim I'm actually doing pretty well and I'm trying to remember that at least behaviorally, their perception matters as much as my perception of my behavior does.   Internal landscape-wise, still all over the place, discovered Friday I need some ( Read more... )

 This feels like a shitty, shitty rubicon.

Last night, as we were going to bed, after having done all the going-to-bed things, while lying in the dark with my CPAP machine on, my leg propped up on a pillow, a snuggly dog and a heading-towards-sleep Abundance next to me, I started to cry. Which isn't remarkable, I cry all the time now with all sorts ( Read more... )

so, for the moment, some of the straight up pit of despair stuff has lifted.  Not going to risk saying passed, but I'm at least a little more chill about a couple of things.  Still not doing great with bed rest, still realizing/getting concrete proof of all of the ways I feel like I add value to the household, still realizing/getting proof of how ( Read more... )

 Nice spiral, brain!

This morning, it was raining and it was a lovely, cozy sound to wake up to.  And then I remembered, even if I wasn't going to leave the house, it's now pretty much impossible for me to leave the house, since the only way I can get out atm is across the lawn, which will be a delightful combination of muddy and slippery at this ( Read more... )