I'm in one of those anxiety-infused states, where all the things have already happened and/or been done wrong or communicated badly.  Or just felt guilty about, in that way of tensing for the thing going wrong.   Abundance took me all over creation this morning and waited in a car with me for a long time and it was lovely, we finished the book we ( Read more... )

 I've been ghosting my parents since I discovered they were voting for Trump a second time.   I've been all sorts of hand-wringy about it, feeling like I should take a firm stand and send them a breakup letter, feeling like I should try harder to be a good daughter and compartmentalize.   I didn't do either, the first exhausted me and at least a ( Read more... )

Rocking just enough of a fever from my second pfizer shot that I'm more than a little bit miserable.  (100.3-100.5) Happy to have it in my arm, things are starting to feel almost-real, both Abundance and Light got the J&J shots today and yesterday.  On the way home from the appointment, I whined at Light that I wanted everything and nothing to ( Read more... )

Just like everyone else, during the period of my life when I was called upon to sing to a child, I was both bad at and mostly uninterested in singing traditional lullabies, as well as coming from no particular tradition (I believe Delight had some italian lullabies they sang to Spark).   So I tended to fall back on endless repetitions of four songs ( Read more... )

 Yesterday, I spilled ink on a cross stitch I'd been working on for a while that is literally a unicorn saying Fuck Off Inner Critic.  I became furious at myself for not noticing that I'd left the ruler I was using next to an exploding pen in a cup of pens, and so "ruined" the piece with an unremovable smear of ink.   So while I didn't take that ( Read more... )

I got Simone Giertz's Everyday Calendar way back when and never started it because of course I didn't.  I couldn't figure out the right thing to do and I didn't want to pick the wrong one.  But once more unto, et cetera,  if I want to change my habits I have to start by picking a habit to change and then attempting to change it.  Meditation, ( Read more... )

I know, bone deep, that there's a bunch of stuff from my childhood filling up brainspace that was useful then that isn't useful now, and while I mostly still believe a lot of crap about why I am how I am, some of it I've managed to overturn or at least unearth. But in addition to all the shitty things I believe about myself and my place in the ( Read more... )

 Picked up my new progressives today, which is awesome and currently super disoriented.  And I suspect they won't correct all the things I've been attributing to not having them, but even a little relief would be awesome and they're definitely going to correct the weird neck aches I get from trying to peer underneath my glasses to do any detail ( Read more... )

I don't really have noteworthy days right now.  Or especially good ones.  If I believe in gratitude, I'd say I feel grateful when I can summon the wherewithal to pull off some basic housework or cooking. The stimulant definitely helps some days, though I have a sinking feeling it's making me dumber.  Or maybe less vigilant, which feels like the ( Read more... )

I've been saying I think my feelings are broken.  Not like I'm broken-hearted, more like they got stuck in one gear and I can't shift.   The inauguration had me everything from silent tears trickling down my cheeks to full on soblaughing/laughsobbing.   I still tear up at seeing pictures of Biden with a mask on, and I think the past four years have ( Read more... )