At the end of the day, it is what she knew she would do. She is suffocating, dead to herself, creative vibes and urges dying among this midst of screaming children, children that aren't even hers, little ones she loves but does not like. She takes solice in a solitary canine, one who looks at her with wide amber eyes, sits near her just for the ( Read more... )

I lived with Ryan for about two weeks and I considered murder. His parents, actually, not him. I considered breaking it off when he stumbled into the house at 4 AM, stupiddrunk and covered in beerpuke, and told us all he'd lost his car. Idiot. Later, I found it for him, in Providence. Near the Girl's Dorms as Providence College. I realized I want ( Read more... )

I am breaking into a million peices.

I walked into school, and walked out. Dissapointment forms in the pit of my stomache, broken expectation. Home of the Trojans, denied me. But hope, somewhere in the distance- a liberal college, ivy-covered and romantic, someone waiting in the shadows. I don't know yet if it will be Ryan. That could be a lie ( Read more... )

She yearns to be alone, yet when allowed her silent serenity, she cannot stand the lack of noise. She yearns for connection, yet when offered the chance, the denies it. She yearns for true love, yet when true love knocks on her door, she locks it from the other side. She yearns for perfection, and yet she knows, nothing will ever be perfect. Not ( Read more... )

I discussed moving in and babies with my boyfriend. We talk about getting an apartment in Fall River, one that allows Kush. I asked him what would happen if I got pregnant. He told me he would be a father. He would be there beside me. He asked me what I would do. I told him I would be a mother. I would get a job, I would finish nightschool, I would ( Read more... )

Suddenly amongst the smog and smoke things clear. I could say they always do, always will, but then I would be lying. There was darkness, that much is clear and true- then I escaped these cities for ten days and while I was missing, there was more light. I learned about myself, about my limits, about how I really can agree to drive 28768976 miles ( Read more... )

Having realized I've no other choice, except to make my choices. Having realized it will not be pleasant, not always, not even mostly. Having realized I must- not should, but must- I'veleft myself no other option ( Read more... )

We drove alone 44, from Taunton into Rehoboth, searching for this blasted veteranarian that I swear doesn't fucking exist. My mom's voice went on and on, seemingly only continued from the former midnight rant. "You are fucking Unbelievable, Jessica." Don't I know it. We stopped, and I went in, swearing out into the perfect summer air. The people ( Read more... )

Such pretty girls, such open smiles. Glossed lips stretched over ivory teeth, in an effort meant for comfort, but recieved in a manner almost menacing. The circle had, at first, seemed wide- almost too wide, almost mismatched and missing certain links. Somehow it has shrunk to a size mimicking claustrophobia. Amber tried to smile, too, tried to ( Read more... )