I am a mighty hunter.
I just killed a winged beast that was attacking the humans' boudoir!
Out of respect for the male human of the household, I made the kill on his pillow.
After I killed the fly, I dragged it onto the floor and devoured it.
Aaaah, the sweet, sweet taste of victory.

Next: killing one of those damned birds outside.

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I feel a failure as a feline.

The phone rings, and if the humans aren't home, this box turns on and starts making noises. The light blinky-blinks. When the humans get home, they press a button, and the box makes noise again ( Read more... )

... and it's not THIS color!


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At first, I was angry that the humans moved us to a new home. I hid under beds and in closets. I wailed pitifully, trying to drive them slowly insane ( Read more... )

I love to eat the cotton off of Q-Tips.
I believe it is the foundation of a healthy diet.

Given this, I cannot understand why she always takes them away from me. I mean, hell - if I can ferrt them out from where she's put them, that means they're fair game, right?

Sheesh. Guess not.

A year ago today.

A year ago today, that evil bitch of a so-called "owner" of mine took me to the vet. She cruelly left me there, all alone, early in the morning. That stung.

Little did I know the horrors that were yet to come.

I was ignored for a while, then stuck with a needle. All of a sudden, the world went black. When I awoke, I felt ( Read more... )

This morning, while the woman who feeds me was ironing clothing, she had the TV playing. A woman on the TV screen informed us that a New York state official recommended drowning cats as a method of "getting rid of unwanted animals".

I think this state official is an "unwanted animal". Where is my bathtub full of water to dispatch of him?

The human was laughing at me today! All I was doing was licking the standing fan, and it seemed to set her off into fits of giggling. I just don't get why she thinks it's so amusing!

This morning, my human finally changed the litter box. She'd not done so in many, many days. A dirty litterbox makes me very, very angry.

I exacted my revenge.

The human finished cleaning the litterbox and walked into the bathroom. After a minute or so, I followed her in. As expected, she picked me up to pet and coo over me - I am incredibly ( Read more... )