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Coming Out
We risk a lot in putting ourselves "out there" on the internet. Misunderstandings, hasty judgments, lacking compassion. There is always the danger when we venture out in search of validation, we will instead face ridicule and shame. But some things have to be said anyway ( Read more... ) -
Throwing in the Towel
"I throw up my hands ( Read more... ) -
New Year, Same Old Wish...
I've been mildly depressed ever since finding out that Kari Ann is having a girl. It is so painful being infertile in a fertile world. I took my clomid as prescribed. I've been keeping up with my metformin everyday. All I have to show for it is the worst hot-flashes yet and very poor sleep. I'm tired of hoping. I'm tired of waiting. I'm tired of ( Read more... ) -
Perseverance
So I had my pity party for one and then hope refused to let me give up. There is always another cycle and Dr. Patel upped my dose to 150mg of clomid. A lot of the women on my PCOS forum say they think that me getting sick interfered with ovulation. It worked on 100mg once, so it definitely should work (at least the first time) with 150mg, right? So ( Read more... ) -
Are you fucking kidding me?
So after the miraculous and totally unexpected ovulation last cycle, I felt like we had finally made progress and found the silver bullet. I pulled out all the stops and did everything right this cycle - allowing myself to be hopeful, think positive, and dream about getting a BFP for Christmas ( Read more... ) -
Once more, with feeling!
Well, my first ovulatory cycle since January is ending. Tested this morning: negative. I knew that, but its good to have proof so I can mentally move on. I already ordered my next round of clomid. I'm excited for this next cycle. Now that I know 100mg of clomid works, I can really focus on doing everything right and actually have a good chance of ( Read more... ) -
Small miracles
Or in my case, a really really big one. The medicine worked, I can't believe it actually worked! I had completely given up hope (obviously) and was just waiting to begin the next cycle. But my CD21 blood work came back with progesterone count 15.7! Fertility Friend had already given me cross-hairs, but I assumed my elevated temps were due to an ( Read more... ) -
Pessimism
I'm fighting a sinking feeling that the clomid is not working again. I'm CD13 and my temps are doing nothing special and yesterday and today my CM has been remarkably ambiguous - almost not even there. Apart from hot flashes, I don't feel anything - zilch. ::sigh:: Is it wrong to assume the worst just to protect oneself from the emotional damage of ( Read more... ) -
Moving On
50mg Clomid = Ovulation Epic FAIL. My progesterone registered so low it was practically negative. I'm glad to know I'm not crazy though. Based on my temps and CM, I knew I didn't ovulate, even when Fertility Friend suggested I might have. It is good to know I can trust my instincts and trust my body's signs. If things don't add up, its for a reason ( Read more... ) -
Forced Positivity
I will not write about how I am certain that the clomid failed this month. I will not write about how utterly defeated I feel before I've barely begun to try. I will not write about my fears of the possibility that nothing will ever work and my nephew will be the closest thing to my own child that I will ever have ( Read more... )