Fag Hags are a Drag

[compass24]

 Hi everyone. Glad to have found you. I know this is a really long entry introductory post but I promise the rest will be shorter

Comments

[scorpionturtle]

welcome and thank you for sharing where you are at. A lot of what you are feeling many partners have felt and a lot of the same fears come up. For both my transition and my former partners and current spouse's transitions all the same questions of "who I am now because of your transition and feeling scared that they will be attracted to others because of hormones or physical changes came up. With all of them, talking, talking and more talking always helped, talking to other partners helped and for my spouse and I going to couple consuling helped so much. So many times just admitting our fears or things we wanted to do like outing each other so people will "know" we are queer was all it took to not want to do those things

[compass24]

I am glad to hear that someone was able to work through any discomforts about the transition with simple, old-fashioned conversation. There's no better way of getting things out in the open like just saying them. And I think there is a good space for me to express my fears within the context of my and my partner's relationship. Thanks for your comments

Thoughts and Questions for Me

[taoistfairy]

As an older woman (45) in this community and still relatively new in our relationship (10 months) this post and the threads that followed it, have given me a lot to think about and prompted me to ask my partner (ftm) some questions. My partner is pre-everything except for his identity. He's had some counseling and has already decided how far he will go with his transition (T and top surgery only). In the past he has been very active in the GLBT community and I had always assumed that he would continue to be especially after his transition. I identify as queer since I have dated men, women, and now a trans person. That's fine with me as others have pointed out, the most important thing is to 'love the person, not the package'. So, since I make it a point to never assume anything, I asked my partner whether we would live openly as a trans couple or would we go 'straight' or 'stealth'. I was quite surprised and a little disconcerted when he said 'stealth'. He said he would still support the GLBT community but would probably not

[thisearthlyride]

Prior to transitioning, I pretty much denied any attraction to men. I had no interest in being with men who saw or treated me as female. As my physical transition progressed, my attitude shifted and I felt more comfortable expressing attractions to men

[compass24]

I really do appreciate your thoughts in light of the fact that you've already gone through this. I know that I do get uncomfortable with my partner being hit on constantly by gay males but I also know that I have a large amount of trust in our relationship and he has made me feel comfortable whenever possible. However, he does get annoyed when I ask him to validate or 'reassure me' that he'd rather go home with his future-wife than with a boy at the club. It makes for somewhat of an ackward time. In any case, I definitely think my worry factor is way too high right know and I believe our relationship is strong enough to work those kinks out along the way.

[brujaoscura]

I'm cisgendered female and my partner is a MtF.
I have never identified as a lesbian. In fact I am probably about as straight as they come.
I have gay and lesbian friends, I have transgendered friends but I NEVER in my wildest dreams thought I'd be a partner to a transgendered person.
About 3 years ago, my partner came out as a transgender to me and her family.
I have had to re-evaluate EVERYTHING about myself and my relationship.
I've been angry, frustrated,sad,depressed,confused, you name it.
And I STILL go through it.
Good luck on working things out

[somewhere_glows]

I'm going through the SAME exact thing except my boyfriend JUST came out.
And especially since I already have a mtf father, I REALLY never thought I'd fall in love with a transsexual.

Would you mind adding me? It would be nice to be friends with somebody going through the same thing as I am.

relating

[venusfire777]

Hi. I can relate to your post big time. The post and replies on Jan 1st of this year on this topic really helped me sort things through. I am in such a different place now it is hard to believe it has only been one month. After reading all the posts I was able to identify my biggest fears and then talk with my partner about these very concerns.
Best wishes. :)