Life and Breath Part 17
Title: Life and Breath
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 17
Date: 4 August, 2009
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 |
Author's Note: Sorry this was so delayed. Meh, dishonest people suck.
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 17
"It's been so good having you here," Natalia whispered very softly as she slipped up behind Olivia where she was packing in the guest bedroom and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. They'd spent the better part of the afternoon at Chuckles, leaning against each other and talking quietly while they watched Emma play until finally, even Emma had been Chuckled out, and they'd returned to the farmhouse for a game of Monopoly-which Emma had won handily-and finally a light dinner. "I don't want it to end."
Outside, blue sky was rapidly giving way to the amber shades of sunset. Emma was outside feeding the ducks a last time, unknowingly allowing the two women who loved her a little private time.
Olivia straightened fractionally as she felt strong arms slip around her body and cling, then the warmth and weight of Natalia's cheek against her shoulder. Settling her hands on the arms wrapped around her, Olivia tipped her head back, leaning into the body snuggled so close. "Not too much longer and it won't," she whispered, a leap of excitement sliding through her at the thought of all the things that would come with formalizing their relationship.
"Mmm," Natalia mumbled, "I want that...you and Emma here...to be a family again..." And I want you, the thought went through her head as she tipped her head to study the other woman's profile, fascinated by the complexity of her features. It was harder for her to say all the things that Olivia expressed with such ease, but alone like this, quiet and pressed close, all she could think about was how much she wanted everything with this woman; a family, a future, a life. And no matter what the church or Father Ray or God himself said, she wanted the sacred union of bodies as well, and knew it would be as sacred as anything could ever be.
Reaching up, she brushed dark hair back to study elegant arch of Olivia's neck and the graceful movement of muscle and tendon. Drawn by the tempting sight, she pushed up on her toes to press the softest of kisses to warm flesh.
Olivia exhaled a short, ragged moaning sound, then felt Natalia smile against her skin. "You have the devil in you, Natalia Rivera," she whispered as she felt her body start to pulse and ache.
"No," Natalia disagreed quietly as she dropped another ranging kiss along a cord in Olivia's neck. "This is pure angel." Another soft kiss drew another rolling moan. She looked up, her expression serious as she slipped her hand into Olivia's hair and tugged her head around until their eyes met over her shoulder. 'You're God's grace in my life," she whispered seriously. "Don't ever doubt that."
Olivia's throat bobbed as she swallowed hard and there was a suspicious glint to her eyes. She did a slow turn, lifting one arm over Natalia's head, then settling it on her shoulder to loop a loose hold around the back of her neck. "I want to be," she admitted. She raised her other hand, stroking the line of Natalia's cheek and jaw, her touch impossibly light. "You've given me so much...and I just want to get this right." Fear glittered in the depths of her eyes. She'd found so many ways to screw up relationships in the past and she was terrified of doing it again.
"We will," Natalia reassured her with added emphasis to make certain Olivia understood she wasn't alone in the game. Arching up on tiptoe, she pressed a light kiss onto full lips for added punctuation.
"It's not going to be easy," Olivia whispered, her throat tight. "People may say things-"
Natalia shrugged, her tone practical. "Which they've already been doing for months now." Emma's My Two Mommies paper for school some months before had made quite a local splash. "I think everybody who cares thinks we're already doing what we're planning on doing."
Olivia couldn't argue that point, but she had at least one other she felt the need to make. "I may lose my temper with people who say things," she added quietly. For herself, she didn't much care what anybody said-they already said plenty of things about her, more than a few of them true-but the first person who insulted Natalia within her range of hearing was likely to discover why everyone who'd ever been on the wrong end of her temper lived in fear of ever having it happen again.
A gentle smile curved full lips. "My knight errant," Natalia mused aloud, faintly embarrassed to admit she rather liked the idea of someone defending her virtue.
Olivia couldn't hold back a tiny, wry laugh. "I don't think anyone's ever described it quite that way before...my loss of temper, I mean." Her breath caught as a gentle finger explored her lips.
"The staff at the Beacon does have somewhat different terms for it, it's true," Natalia admitted through a soft laugh.
Olivia considered that comment for a moment before deciding out loud, "I don't want to know, do I?"
"Probably not," Natalia conceded through a dimpled grin.
They shared a soft laugh before their expressions became more serious. Unplanned, they leaned toward each other, the tasting of lips and straining press of bodies that followed filled in the proclamations, vows and promises they were both too busy to speak out loud. Lips melded while tongues met, tangled, then moved on, exploring the textures of sharp teeth and silky inner cheeks.
The sound of doors slamming downstairs intruded, wedging mouths apart if not bodies.
"Emma," Olivia panted, ducking her forehead until it just touched Natalia's. "And I need to finish packing."
Emma was good about always putting the pitcher that held the bird food away, so they still had a few moments before she'd be on her way up the stairs.
"You could stay another night," Natalia breathed, not wanting their time together to end.
So tempting, but, "The Beacon, Olivia reminded herself as well as Natalia. "I need to check on things." With neither of them there, who knew what might be happening. "Make sure Greg has everything ready for the convention coming in Tuesday...find out what's happening with the fire door...and also...on a more practical note, I'm outa clean underwear." She offered a lopsided grin. "But y'know, you could visit our place...I've got a spare room," she teased.
"I wish I could," Natalia said softly, "but Rafe is scheduled to call tonight...and with everything going on, I need to talk to him."
"You planning to try and tell him?" Olivia questioned any flirtatiousness melting away in an instant.
"No...that needs to happen in person...but I can start laying the groundwork." Natalia took a deep breath and let it out in an effort to control some of the nervousness. "Rafe doesn't handle surprises well." She shrugged. "So I'll have to kind of sneak this up on him."
Olivia gently brushed dark hair back from a smooth cheek. "Tell me if there's anything I can do to help."
"I will," Natalia promised.
The hug that followed was completely natural. They leaned into each other, holding on tight until they heard the distinctive creak of small feet on wooden stairs. Settling her hands on narrow shoulders, Olivia carefully stepped back with the simple comment, "Pack now." Taking a deep breath, she returned to the suitcase and began putting things back together.
Taking up a seat on the bed, Natalia couldn't withhold a soft snicker at Olivia's version of folding clothes.
"No comments from the peanut gallery," the older woman snapped, though she was smiling as she said it.
They were like that when a small figure appeared in the doorway, her body language a little hesitant as though she was afraid of interrupting something.
"Hey, Jellybean," Olivia said cheerily and waved her daughter in, eager for the girl to feel confident that any changes were for the better and she was always welcome and wanted. "I was just packing."
"And I was watching your mom...and laughing at her folding technique," Natalia added with a dimpled grin. She patted the bed next to her hip. "Why don't you hop up and join me. We can share the laughs." Emma was well aware of the standing joke about her mother's lack of skill on that front.
"Hey, just because I lack the folding gene," Olivia pouted, purposely hamming it up, "doesn't mean I should be a target of ridicule."
"The folding gene?" Natalia questioned doubtfully, sharing a quick wink with Emma as she played along with Olivia's teasing. Smiling more comfortably as the girl drew nearer and scrambled up onto the bed next to her. She tensed a little as Natalia slid an arm across a narrow shoulder, but didn't pull away.
"It's a scientific fact that the ability to fold clothing is a genetic trait," Olivia insisted, "and those of us cruelly deprived by fate of that biological facility should be respected and even admired for doing our very best." As if to punctuate the comment, she tossed a bundled blouse into the suitcase.
Emma giggled right on cue, well aware that her mom was joking around, but enjoying the show. This was like things had been when they'd lived at the farmhouse before, and she needed that touchstone and sense of familiarity. It helped smooth over some of the fear and uncertainty.
So they joked and laughed until finally, there was nothing left to pack-poorly or otherwise-and they made their way downstairs. Once the suitcase was loaded, Natalia crouched down and held her arms out hopefully to Emma, smiling in relief when the girl melted into her hold, maybe a little hesitant at first, but holding on tight within moments. "Oh, Emma," Natalia whispered as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm so glad you wanted to spend time here with me..." She looked up, meeting green eyes. "You and your mom both." She dropped another soft kiss onto silky hair. "And I hope you'll come back soon." She looked at Olivia again, her eyes an open window to her soul. "Very soon."
"Okay, Jellybean," Olivia said as they pulled apart, "In you go." Once Emma was buckled in and the door shut again, she caught Natalia's hand in her own, tugging her along as she stepped around to the driver's side. Suddenly, she found herself tempted to just blow off her responsibilities at the Beacon and stay. "I really do have to go," she reminded herself in the guise of telling Natalia.
"Call me when you get there," Natalia murmured. "So I know you're in and safe."
"Will do." Olivia nodded. "Meanwhile, you remember to lock up." For a girl from Chicago, Natalia could be disturbingly lax about locking the doors before she went to bed. "I worry about you out here alone..." She gently brushed dark hair back from the younger woman's temple.
"I'll be fine," Natalia assured the other woman, tempted to remind Olivia that she'd spent most of her adult life on her own with a small child, but also warmed by having someone worry about her for the first time in a long time.
"Okay," Olivia whispered, momentarily lost in mahogany eyes. "Time to go," she reminded herself, then glanced back, noting Emma watching from the car. She took a deep breath. Time to just act like a normal couple. It might be uncomfortable at first, but instinct told her things would settle in more quickly that way. She saw the question in dark eyes when she lifted a hand to cup it along the side of Natalia's face and heard her name exhaled on an uncertain breath. "It's all right," she whispered as she ducked her head.
It was the softest dusting of lips imaginable, just the barest brush, then she pulled back.
They shared a nervous look, both barely resisting the urge to check on the doubtless closely watching child.
"See you in the morning," Olivia murmured, then finally made herself get in the car and start the engine. A couple of last waves, then Natalia turned to go back inside. "Remember...lock up!" Olivia called out a final time before backing out of the drive.
The younger woman turned back, waving again as she called back, "I will...I promise." She stayed like that until Olivia had pulled out and her car disappeared in the distance, then heaved a sigh, feeling as though the life had left her home the same way the air left her lungs. Another long moment passed while she delayed reentering the house, faintly dreading the sense of emptiness she was sure to find, but finally, short of standing there all night, she had little choice.
She'd been inside for a minute or two and was trying to decide how to spend the rest of the evening when her cell rang. She grabbed for it, oddly unsurprised when Olivia's voice echoed over the speaker. "Did you remember to lock up?" she questioned without preamble.
A flush heated Natalia's cheekbones as she realized she hadn't. "I was about to," she said defensively, ignoring the soft laughter that greeted her ears in response. "And you shouldn't be calling on the cell while driving," she shot back.
"Check all the doors and windows," Olivia instructed, then added, "I love you."
"I love you too...now hang up and get your mind on your driving."
"Locks...know them, use them."
Olivia clicked off while Natalia was still trying to come up with a witty response. Feeling the oddest combination of annoyed and protected, Natalia snapped the phone closed. Smiling wryly, she realized she had something to do for a little while at least. She had doors and windows to check, the usually mundane activity suddenly making her feel closer to the woman who cared enough to call and make sure she stayed safe.
* * * * * *
Feeling small eyes studying her carefully and certain she could hear the gears turning in a brain that was more than a little oversized for the skull in which it was housed, Olivia glanced over at her closely watching daughter. "Yes?" she questioned, drawing the word out.
A hint of a frown creased the girl's brow and she opened her mouth as if to speak, only to snap it shut again and lean back in her seat, arms folded across her chest.
"It was good being back at the farmhouse again," Olivia said after a long moment in an effort to draw Emma out when she seemed to be sinking back into herself.
"Yeah," came the small response.
And they were back to the monosyllabic apparently. "Would you like to go back sometime soon?" Olivia questioned after a long beat. Things were going on in the girl's head and the only way to ease her fears was to understand them.
A long, uncomfortable moment of total silence followed, then finally Emma's voice, small and serious ended the agonizing wait. "Yeah."
She sounded sincere, maybe a little scared, but it wasn't the just-say-it-to-please-mom voice. More silence. "You know Natalia and I both love you very much, right?" Olivia asked after the quiet had stretched so long as to feel cloying.
"Yeah," Emma admitted with only the slightest pause and faintest hesitance.
Okay, so they were gaining some ground because that was still the serious, sincere voice, but the fear was still there, underlying the whole conversation. Olivia tried again. "But maybe this all feels a little different...even kinda scary?"
Emma was silent for another long beat. "Maybe," she said at last.
"For us too," Olivia said just loud enough to make herself heard over the gentle rumble of the engine, wanting her daughter to understand that this wasn't some simple thing where they already knew all the answers. She was old enough to hear that it wouldn't be quick and easy, that good things took a lot of work sometimes.
"Really?" Emma questioned after a long moment of thought.
"Yeah," Olivia confirmed, finding it all strangely easier to discuss in the dark and quiet of the car on a lonely road. "We're scared of what people will say...of not getting it right...that you or Rafe won't want want us to be a family..." She trailed to a halt and was silent for a long moment as she tried to find a way to explain it all to her daughter in a way she could grasp. "I guess when you really want something and it's really important to you...that's when you get really scared because there's so much at stake." She glanced over, noting Emma's shadowed figure, small and still, watching her closely in the darkness and trying to understand. "I love Natalia so much," she whispered after a long moment. "More than anyone except you and your sister...and I love our family-"
"The way it was before...when we lived at the farmhouse?" Emma asked, her voice low and haunted sounding in the darkness, her tone giving some hint as to how much she missed that time.
"Yeah...that...but more too." She paused, struggling to formulate things in her head. "We...Natalia and I...we want it to be permanent, so that we all know exactly where we stand and that it's real, and nobody's going anywhere...and no matter what anyone else says, we know who we are and that we belong together." The words came out in enough of a jumble that she couldn't help but wonder if she'd just confused her daughter even more. "Does that make any sense?"
"I think so," Emma responded after careful consideration.
"Y'know," Olivia said after another of the long silences, "I hope you know you can talk to me about anything...if you have things you want to say...or questions you want to ask." She took a breath and let it out in an effort to ease some of the tension in her shoulders. "I'll listen as much as you want...or try to give you the best answers I can..." More silence that Olivia felt the need to fill, even if she was babbling. "And you shouldn't feel that there's anything you can't say or ask...or that I'll get mad. I know this isn't simple or easy...and we just have to keep talking to each other." She glanced over in time to see a tiny nod from Emma's silhouette. She reached out, gently ruffling dark hair. "Anything to say?"
Emma didn't respond for a long moment, then finally her voice came small and slow, "I just want things to be like they were...be a family again...have a home."
"That's what I want too, Jellybean." That's what we all want...
* * * * * *
"Come get your toy," the voice echoed through the dense copse of trees, low and threatening.
Emma couldn't see through the deep shadows, but she knew there was a monster behind that tone, and that the flash of color held out to her by a disembodied wasn't a toy, but a trap meant to ensnare her. Heart thudding painfully hard in her chest, she backed up a step, shaking her head in refusal, then suddenly froze as a well known figure appeared at the edge of her peripheral vision and her mother's voice reached her ears.
"Thank you so much for helping my daughter, Officer."
Emma tried to call out a warning, but she couldn't catch a breath and when she tried to lunge forward to grab her mom and pull her away, it was like she was caught in amber. She couldn't move a muscle, couldn't scream, could only watch in horror as her mother stepped into view.
Not suspecting the danger, she reached out, but instead of a toy, her fingers encountered shadows.
Shadows that gained substance and strength as they enveloped her hand, then flowed up her outstretched arm, coiling and moving, then surging around her body. Emma watched in horror as they wrapped around her mother's torso, heard the agonized gasp of air that was torn from her lips... And sat bolt upright.
Heart slamming against the inside of her sternum, breath coming in rapid pants, she was momentarily lost and confused as one world melted away and another came into focus. Not some shadowy forest, but simply her own bedroom, she realized as she made out the dim outlines of familiar landmarks. "Just a bad dream," she whispered over and over, but despite knowing it was in her own head, she piled out of bed and moved into her mother's room on silent feet.
It had been a long time since Emma had felt the need to check on her mother while she slept. Not since before moving into the farmhouse when her mom had been so ill, and trying so hard to pretend she wasn't. Sometimes the fear had snuck up on the girl back then and she'd crept in, standing at her mother's bedside, simply watching for the slow movement of her breathing, heart beating painfully hard if there was any delay or a small cough, terrified that this would be the time when the next breath didn't come.
Now she did it again, hovering over the sprawled lump of covers that represented a deeply sleeping Olivia Spencer, silently watching the steady rise and fall of fabric that signaled her breathing. She was okay, safe, locked behind the firm hotel doors, with security a loud shout away.
You're acting like a kid, Emma remonstrated herself silently. Her mom was okay, and the fear was driven by a stupid nightmare. And that guy had probably just been some friend of Frank's, and she was just acting like a stupid, little kid who was scared of the dark, when everybody knew there were no monsters under the bed, and nothing there when the lights were off that hadn't been there when they were on.
But still she remained, silently standing guard.
Most of the time her mother was larger than life, confident enough to face down the devil himself, and seemingly able to do anything. But Emma had seen her halfway through death's door, and today she'd seen something else. She'd seen her mother afraid, not of dying or injury, but of losing her love and respect, of losing a dream, of making some horrible mistake that could cost her everything.
She'd seen her mom as simply one more person with all the same fears and problems as everyone else. She didn't have all the answers, wasn't always confident or brave and couldn't create miracles out of thin air. She was human and imperfect.
In that moment, she could envision her mother as a child, afraid of the dark or confused by the butterflies in her stomach, or as a teenager, afraid of going to a new school or going on her first date.
Or as an adult, terrified of admitting to her daughter that she'd fallen in love with her best friend.
Emma didn't pretend to completely understand it, but she suddenly had a sense that maybe their not telling her hadn't been about cutting her out or lying or even about treating her like a kid. Maybe it had been about their fears. And maybe her being a brat had made those fears worse.
She was still standing there contemplating that possibility when the covers shifted and her mother's voice, thick with sleep, reached her ears. "Hey, Jellybean. Problem?" her mom asked as she pushed up on one hand.
"Couldn't sleep," Emma admitted, then felt her mother's hand brush her forehead. "I'm not sick," she said softly, "Just..." With no ready explanation, she didn't know quite what to say.
"It's been a long couple of days," her mom said after a long moment. "Probably a little overwhelming."
"A little." The girl reached out, toying with the edge of the comforter where it dangled off the side of the bed. "And I had a nightmare."
"Wanna talk about it?"
A quick head shake, but she was relieved a moment later when her mom simply pulled the comforter aside in silent invitation. Scrambling under the covers, Emma curled on her side, feeling safe and protected.
"It's gonna be okay, Jellybean...I promise." Her mom remained sitting and gently petted her hair, her voice warm and comforting in the dark.
"Mom?" Emma whispered after awhile.
"Yeah?"
"You and Natalia...do you really love her?"
"Yeah..." Her mom's voice choked ever so slightly, but her hand never faltered as it rhythmically slid over Emma's hair. "I do."
"It's okay," Emma said after a beat, then realized that she hadn't made much sense and added. "I mean...I love you both...and if it makes you both happy...."
"It does," her mom assured her almost instantly.
"Then that's what really matters, isn't it?"
"I think so."
Snuggling in deeper, Emma felt the tension slip away. As her mom's hand continued the gentle stroking, the remnants of the nightmare faded into nothingness and she felt warm and safe and loved. It was going to be okay. Maybe her mom was only human, but she was more human than any ten people Emma knew.
* * * * * * *
TBC
Author: Pink Rabbit Productions
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Part: 17
Date: 4 August, 2009
Rating: Personally, I'd call it an R, but some might consider it NC-17 at some point.
Disclaimer: The characters and situations belong to other folks far wealthier, more important (or at least with better lawyers), and hopefully more charitable and kinder than I. They include, but are not necessarily limited to CBS, Proctor and Gamble, and Telenext. The actual arrangement of words, however, remains my own as do any original characters. Meanwhile, there is likely to be all female romantic and sexual activity ahead, so if this is likely to get you, me, or anybody else arrested should you take a gander, please move along. Also, if you find that sort of thing offensive, you really probably shouldn't hang around anyplace I'm posting. Just sayin'....
Archiving: The Pink Rabbit Consortium
Spoilers: Some early scenes definitely, plus anything through the spa trip is fair game.
Timeline: Unlike some folks, I don't have an exact scene where this one takes off. However, it's definitely set after the spa trip, but before Rafe's release from the halfway house. Oh, and it's after Natalia admits she's in love with Olivia to Father Ray.
Earlier Parts: | Part 1 (Prologue) | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 | Part 5 | Part 6 | Part 7 | Part 8 | Part 9 | Part 10 | Part 11 | Part 12 | Part 13 | Part 14 | Part 15 | Part 16 |
Author's Note: Sorry this was so delayed. Meh, dishonest people suck.
Life and Breath
by Pink Rabbit Productions
Part 17
"It's been so good having you here," Natalia whispered very softly as she slipped up behind Olivia where she was packing in the guest bedroom and laid a gentle hand on her shoulder. They'd spent the better part of the afternoon at Chuckles, leaning against each other and talking quietly while they watched Emma play until finally, even Emma had been Chuckled out, and they'd returned to the farmhouse for a game of Monopoly-which Emma had won handily-and finally a light dinner. "I don't want it to end."
Outside, blue sky was rapidly giving way to the amber shades of sunset. Emma was outside feeding the ducks a last time, unknowingly allowing the two women who loved her a little private time.
Olivia straightened fractionally as she felt strong arms slip around her body and cling, then the warmth and weight of Natalia's cheek against her shoulder. Settling her hands on the arms wrapped around her, Olivia tipped her head back, leaning into the body snuggled so close. "Not too much longer and it won't," she whispered, a leap of excitement sliding through her at the thought of all the things that would come with formalizing their relationship.
"Mmm," Natalia mumbled, "I want that...you and Emma here...to be a family again..." And I want you, the thought went through her head as she tipped her head to study the other woman's profile, fascinated by the complexity of her features. It was harder for her to say all the things that Olivia expressed with such ease, but alone like this, quiet and pressed close, all she could think about was how much she wanted everything with this woman; a family, a future, a life. And no matter what the church or Father Ray or God himself said, she wanted the sacred union of bodies as well, and knew it would be as sacred as anything could ever be.
Reaching up, she brushed dark hair back to study elegant arch of Olivia's neck and the graceful movement of muscle and tendon. Drawn by the tempting sight, she pushed up on her toes to press the softest of kisses to warm flesh.
Olivia exhaled a short, ragged moaning sound, then felt Natalia smile against her skin. "You have the devil in you, Natalia Rivera," she whispered as she felt her body start to pulse and ache.
"No," Natalia disagreed quietly as she dropped another ranging kiss along a cord in Olivia's neck. "This is pure angel." Another soft kiss drew another rolling moan. She looked up, her expression serious as she slipped her hand into Olivia's hair and tugged her head around until their eyes met over her shoulder. 'You're God's grace in my life," she whispered seriously. "Don't ever doubt that."
Olivia's throat bobbed as she swallowed hard and there was a suspicious glint to her eyes. She did a slow turn, lifting one arm over Natalia's head, then settling it on her shoulder to loop a loose hold around the back of her neck. "I want to be," she admitted. She raised her other hand, stroking the line of Natalia's cheek and jaw, her touch impossibly light. "You've given me so much...and I just want to get this right." Fear glittered in the depths of her eyes. She'd found so many ways to screw up relationships in the past and she was terrified of doing it again.
"We will," Natalia reassured her with added emphasis to make certain Olivia understood she wasn't alone in the game. Arching up on tiptoe, she pressed a light kiss onto full lips for added punctuation.
"It's not going to be easy," Olivia whispered, her throat tight. "People may say things-"
Natalia shrugged, her tone practical. "Which they've already been doing for months now." Emma's My Two Mommies paper for school some months before had made quite a local splash. "I think everybody who cares thinks we're already doing what we're planning on doing."
Olivia couldn't argue that point, but she had at least one other she felt the need to make. "I may lose my temper with people who say things," she added quietly. For herself, she didn't much care what anybody said-they already said plenty of things about her, more than a few of them true-but the first person who insulted Natalia within her range of hearing was likely to discover why everyone who'd ever been on the wrong end of her temper lived in fear of ever having it happen again.
A gentle smile curved full lips. "My knight errant," Natalia mused aloud, faintly embarrassed to admit she rather liked the idea of someone defending her virtue.
Olivia couldn't hold back a tiny, wry laugh. "I don't think anyone's ever described it quite that way before...my loss of temper, I mean." Her breath caught as a gentle finger explored her lips.
"The staff at the Beacon does have somewhat different terms for it, it's true," Natalia admitted through a soft laugh.
Olivia considered that comment for a moment before deciding out loud, "I don't want to know, do I?"
"Probably not," Natalia conceded through a dimpled grin.
They shared a soft laugh before their expressions became more serious. Unplanned, they leaned toward each other, the tasting of lips and straining press of bodies that followed filled in the proclamations, vows and promises they were both too busy to speak out loud. Lips melded while tongues met, tangled, then moved on, exploring the textures of sharp teeth and silky inner cheeks.
The sound of doors slamming downstairs intruded, wedging mouths apart if not bodies.
"Emma," Olivia panted, ducking her forehead until it just touched Natalia's. "And I need to finish packing."
Emma was good about always putting the pitcher that held the bird food away, so they still had a few moments before she'd be on her way up the stairs.
"You could stay another night," Natalia breathed, not wanting their time together to end.
So tempting, but, "The Beacon, Olivia reminded herself as well as Natalia. "I need to check on things." With neither of them there, who knew what might be happening. "Make sure Greg has everything ready for the convention coming in Tuesday...find out what's happening with the fire door...and also...on a more practical note, I'm outa clean underwear." She offered a lopsided grin. "But y'know, you could visit our place...I've got a spare room," she teased.
"I wish I could," Natalia said softly, "but Rafe is scheduled to call tonight...and with everything going on, I need to talk to him."
"You planning to try and tell him?" Olivia questioned any flirtatiousness melting away in an instant.
"No...that needs to happen in person...but I can start laying the groundwork." Natalia took a deep breath and let it out in an effort to control some of the nervousness. "Rafe doesn't handle surprises well." She shrugged. "So I'll have to kind of sneak this up on him."
Olivia gently brushed dark hair back from a smooth cheek. "Tell me if there's anything I can do to help."
"I will," Natalia promised.
The hug that followed was completely natural. They leaned into each other, holding on tight until they heard the distinctive creak of small feet on wooden stairs. Settling her hands on narrow shoulders, Olivia carefully stepped back with the simple comment, "Pack now." Taking a deep breath, she returned to the suitcase and began putting things back together.
Taking up a seat on the bed, Natalia couldn't withhold a soft snicker at Olivia's version of folding clothes.
"No comments from the peanut gallery," the older woman snapped, though she was smiling as she said it.
They were like that when a small figure appeared in the doorway, her body language a little hesitant as though she was afraid of interrupting something.
"Hey, Jellybean," Olivia said cheerily and waved her daughter in, eager for the girl to feel confident that any changes were for the better and she was always welcome and wanted. "I was just packing."
"And I was watching your mom...and laughing at her folding technique," Natalia added with a dimpled grin. She patted the bed next to her hip. "Why don't you hop up and join me. We can share the laughs." Emma was well aware of the standing joke about her mother's lack of skill on that front.
"Hey, just because I lack the folding gene," Olivia pouted, purposely hamming it up, "doesn't mean I should be a target of ridicule."
"The folding gene?" Natalia questioned doubtfully, sharing a quick wink with Emma as she played along with Olivia's teasing. Smiling more comfortably as the girl drew nearer and scrambled up onto the bed next to her. She tensed a little as Natalia slid an arm across a narrow shoulder, but didn't pull away.
"It's a scientific fact that the ability to fold clothing is a genetic trait," Olivia insisted, "and those of us cruelly deprived by fate of that biological facility should be respected and even admired for doing our very best." As if to punctuate the comment, she tossed a bundled blouse into the suitcase.
Emma giggled right on cue, well aware that her mom was joking around, but enjoying the show. This was like things had been when they'd lived at the farmhouse before, and she needed that touchstone and sense of familiarity. It helped smooth over some of the fear and uncertainty.
So they joked and laughed until finally, there was nothing left to pack-poorly or otherwise-and they made their way downstairs. Once the suitcase was loaded, Natalia crouched down and held her arms out hopefully to Emma, smiling in relief when the girl melted into her hold, maybe a little hesitant at first, but holding on tight within moments. "Oh, Emma," Natalia whispered as she pressed a kiss to the top of her head. "I'm so glad you wanted to spend time here with me..." She looked up, meeting green eyes. "You and your mom both." She dropped another soft kiss onto silky hair. "And I hope you'll come back soon." She looked at Olivia again, her eyes an open window to her soul. "Very soon."
"Okay, Jellybean," Olivia said as they pulled apart, "In you go." Once Emma was buckled in and the door shut again, she caught Natalia's hand in her own, tugging her along as she stepped around to the driver's side. Suddenly, she found herself tempted to just blow off her responsibilities at the Beacon and stay. "I really do have to go," she reminded herself in the guise of telling Natalia.
"Call me when you get there," Natalia murmured. "So I know you're in and safe."
"Will do." Olivia nodded. "Meanwhile, you remember to lock up." For a girl from Chicago, Natalia could be disturbingly lax about locking the doors before she went to bed. "I worry about you out here alone..." She gently brushed dark hair back from the younger woman's temple.
"I'll be fine," Natalia assured the other woman, tempted to remind Olivia that she'd spent most of her adult life on her own with a small child, but also warmed by having someone worry about her for the first time in a long time.
"Okay," Olivia whispered, momentarily lost in mahogany eyes. "Time to go," she reminded herself, then glanced back, noting Emma watching from the car. She took a deep breath. Time to just act like a normal couple. It might be uncomfortable at first, but instinct told her things would settle in more quickly that way. She saw the question in dark eyes when she lifted a hand to cup it along the side of Natalia's face and heard her name exhaled on an uncertain breath. "It's all right," she whispered as she ducked her head.
It was the softest dusting of lips imaginable, just the barest brush, then she pulled back.
They shared a nervous look, both barely resisting the urge to check on the doubtless closely watching child.
"See you in the morning," Olivia murmured, then finally made herself get in the car and start the engine. A couple of last waves, then Natalia turned to go back inside. "Remember...lock up!" Olivia called out a final time before backing out of the drive.
The younger woman turned back, waving again as she called back, "I will...I promise." She stayed like that until Olivia had pulled out and her car disappeared in the distance, then heaved a sigh, feeling as though the life had left her home the same way the air left her lungs. Another long moment passed while she delayed reentering the house, faintly dreading the sense of emptiness she was sure to find, but finally, short of standing there all night, she had little choice.
She'd been inside for a minute or two and was trying to decide how to spend the rest of the evening when her cell rang. She grabbed for it, oddly unsurprised when Olivia's voice echoed over the speaker. "Did you remember to lock up?" she questioned without preamble.
A flush heated Natalia's cheekbones as she realized she hadn't. "I was about to," she said defensively, ignoring the soft laughter that greeted her ears in response. "And you shouldn't be calling on the cell while driving," she shot back.
"Check all the doors and windows," Olivia instructed, then added, "I love you."
"I love you too...now hang up and get your mind on your driving."
"Locks...know them, use them."
Olivia clicked off while Natalia was still trying to come up with a witty response. Feeling the oddest combination of annoyed and protected, Natalia snapped the phone closed. Smiling wryly, she realized she had something to do for a little while at least. She had doors and windows to check, the usually mundane activity suddenly making her feel closer to the woman who cared enough to call and make sure she stayed safe.
* * * * * *
Feeling small eyes studying her carefully and certain she could hear the gears turning in a brain that was more than a little oversized for the skull in which it was housed, Olivia glanced over at her closely watching daughter. "Yes?" she questioned, drawing the word out.
A hint of a frown creased the girl's brow and she opened her mouth as if to speak, only to snap it shut again and lean back in her seat, arms folded across her chest.
"It was good being back at the farmhouse again," Olivia said after a long moment in an effort to draw Emma out when she seemed to be sinking back into herself.
"Yeah," came the small response.
And they were back to the monosyllabic apparently. "Would you like to go back sometime soon?" Olivia questioned after a long beat. Things were going on in the girl's head and the only way to ease her fears was to understand them.
A long, uncomfortable moment of total silence followed, then finally Emma's voice, small and serious ended the agonizing wait. "Yeah."
She sounded sincere, maybe a little scared, but it wasn't the just-say-it-to-please-mom voice. More silence. "You know Natalia and I both love you very much, right?" Olivia asked after the quiet had stretched so long as to feel cloying.
"Yeah," Emma admitted with only the slightest pause and faintest hesitance.
Okay, so they were gaining some ground because that was still the serious, sincere voice, but the fear was still there, underlying the whole conversation. Olivia tried again. "But maybe this all feels a little different...even kinda scary?"
Emma was silent for another long beat. "Maybe," she said at last.
"For us too," Olivia said just loud enough to make herself heard over the gentle rumble of the engine, wanting her daughter to understand that this wasn't some simple thing where they already knew all the answers. She was old enough to hear that it wouldn't be quick and easy, that good things took a lot of work sometimes.
"Really?" Emma questioned after a long moment of thought.
"Yeah," Olivia confirmed, finding it all strangely easier to discuss in the dark and quiet of the car on a lonely road. "We're scared of what people will say...of not getting it right...that you or Rafe won't want want us to be a family..." She trailed to a halt and was silent for a long moment as she tried to find a way to explain it all to her daughter in a way she could grasp. "I guess when you really want something and it's really important to you...that's when you get really scared because there's so much at stake." She glanced over, noting Emma's shadowed figure, small and still, watching her closely in the darkness and trying to understand. "I love Natalia so much," she whispered after a long moment. "More than anyone except you and your sister...and I love our family-"
"The way it was before...when we lived at the farmhouse?" Emma asked, her voice low and haunted sounding in the darkness, her tone giving some hint as to how much she missed that time.
"Yeah...that...but more too." She paused, struggling to formulate things in her head. "We...Natalia and I...we want it to be permanent, so that we all know exactly where we stand and that it's real, and nobody's going anywhere...and no matter what anyone else says, we know who we are and that we belong together." The words came out in enough of a jumble that she couldn't help but wonder if she'd just confused her daughter even more. "Does that make any sense?"
"I think so," Emma responded after careful consideration.
"Y'know," Olivia said after another of the long silences, "I hope you know you can talk to me about anything...if you have things you want to say...or questions you want to ask." She took a breath and let it out in an effort to ease some of the tension in her shoulders. "I'll listen as much as you want...or try to give you the best answers I can..." More silence that Olivia felt the need to fill, even if she was babbling. "And you shouldn't feel that there's anything you can't say or ask...or that I'll get mad. I know this isn't simple or easy...and we just have to keep talking to each other." She glanced over in time to see a tiny nod from Emma's silhouette. She reached out, gently ruffling dark hair. "Anything to say?"
Emma didn't respond for a long moment, then finally her voice came small and slow, "I just want things to be like they were...be a family again...have a home."
"That's what I want too, Jellybean." That's what we all want...
* * * * * *
"Come get your toy," the voice echoed through the dense copse of trees, low and threatening.
Emma couldn't see through the deep shadows, but she knew there was a monster behind that tone, and that the flash of color held out to her by a disembodied wasn't a toy, but a trap meant to ensnare her. Heart thudding painfully hard in her chest, she backed up a step, shaking her head in refusal, then suddenly froze as a well known figure appeared at the edge of her peripheral vision and her mother's voice reached her ears.
"Thank you so much for helping my daughter, Officer."
Emma tried to call out a warning, but she couldn't catch a breath and when she tried to lunge forward to grab her mom and pull her away, it was like she was caught in amber. She couldn't move a muscle, couldn't scream, could only watch in horror as her mother stepped into view.
Not suspecting the danger, she reached out, but instead of a toy, her fingers encountered shadows.
Shadows that gained substance and strength as they enveloped her hand, then flowed up her outstretched arm, coiling and moving, then surging around her body. Emma watched in horror as they wrapped around her mother's torso, heard the agonized gasp of air that was torn from her lips... And sat bolt upright.
Heart slamming against the inside of her sternum, breath coming in rapid pants, she was momentarily lost and confused as one world melted away and another came into focus. Not some shadowy forest, but simply her own bedroom, she realized as she made out the dim outlines of familiar landmarks. "Just a bad dream," she whispered over and over, but despite knowing it was in her own head, she piled out of bed and moved into her mother's room on silent feet.
It had been a long time since Emma had felt the need to check on her mother while she slept. Not since before moving into the farmhouse when her mom had been so ill, and trying so hard to pretend she wasn't. Sometimes the fear had snuck up on the girl back then and she'd crept in, standing at her mother's bedside, simply watching for the slow movement of her breathing, heart beating painfully hard if there was any delay or a small cough, terrified that this would be the time when the next breath didn't come.
Now she did it again, hovering over the sprawled lump of covers that represented a deeply sleeping Olivia Spencer, silently watching the steady rise and fall of fabric that signaled her breathing. She was okay, safe, locked behind the firm hotel doors, with security a loud shout away.
You're acting like a kid, Emma remonstrated herself silently. Her mom was okay, and the fear was driven by a stupid nightmare. And that guy had probably just been some friend of Frank's, and she was just acting like a stupid, little kid who was scared of the dark, when everybody knew there were no monsters under the bed, and nothing there when the lights were off that hadn't been there when they were on.
But still she remained, silently standing guard.
Most of the time her mother was larger than life, confident enough to face down the devil himself, and seemingly able to do anything. But Emma had seen her halfway through death's door, and today she'd seen something else. She'd seen her mother afraid, not of dying or injury, but of losing her love and respect, of losing a dream, of making some horrible mistake that could cost her everything.
She'd seen her mom as simply one more person with all the same fears and problems as everyone else. She didn't have all the answers, wasn't always confident or brave and couldn't create miracles out of thin air. She was human and imperfect.
In that moment, she could envision her mother as a child, afraid of the dark or confused by the butterflies in her stomach, or as a teenager, afraid of going to a new school or going on her first date.
Or as an adult, terrified of admitting to her daughter that she'd fallen in love with her best friend.
Emma didn't pretend to completely understand it, but she suddenly had a sense that maybe their not telling her hadn't been about cutting her out or lying or even about treating her like a kid. Maybe it had been about their fears. And maybe her being a brat had made those fears worse.
She was still standing there contemplating that possibility when the covers shifted and her mother's voice, thick with sleep, reached her ears. "Hey, Jellybean. Problem?" her mom asked as she pushed up on one hand.
"Couldn't sleep," Emma admitted, then felt her mother's hand brush her forehead. "I'm not sick," she said softly, "Just..." With no ready explanation, she didn't know quite what to say.
"It's been a long couple of days," her mom said after a long moment. "Probably a little overwhelming."
"A little." The girl reached out, toying with the edge of the comforter where it dangled off the side of the bed. "And I had a nightmare."
"Wanna talk about it?"
A quick head shake, but she was relieved a moment later when her mom simply pulled the comforter aside in silent invitation. Scrambling under the covers, Emma curled on her side, feeling safe and protected.
"It's gonna be okay, Jellybean...I promise." Her mom remained sitting and gently petted her hair, her voice warm and comforting in the dark.
"Mom?" Emma whispered after awhile.
"Yeah?"
"You and Natalia...do you really love her?"
"Yeah..." Her mom's voice choked ever so slightly, but her hand never faltered as it rhythmically slid over Emma's hair. "I do."
"It's okay," Emma said after a beat, then realized that she hadn't made much sense and added. "I mean...I love you both...and if it makes you both happy...."
"It does," her mom assured her almost instantly.
"Then that's what really matters, isn't it?"
"I think so."
Snuggling in deeper, Emma felt the tension slip away. As her mom's hand continued the gentle stroking, the remnants of the nightmare faded into nothingness and she felt warm and safe and loved. It was going to be okay. Maybe her mom was only human, but she was more human than any ten people Emma knew.
* * * * * * *
TBC