itching to have my life have some form of difference. something that  will  kick me in the face and make me completely  numb through the night. something to get me asleep, that isnt a pill. something that will heal the wounds in my mouth that were damaged by words shuved into my mouth. another pain or focus to shutdown the power that dwells beneath ( Read more... )

Finally its the mother fucking weekend. I went to school one day this week, lol. Like i need a break. I want one and can use one but i didnt do fucking anything this week. It's nice to just chillax while everyone is rotting in school, lol. Im  such an asshole lol. Oh well i got alot of television rotting myself this week so its all good. Anyways, ( Read more... )

With the end of things; left is a frayed and torn ending. An ending that I don't want to remember or speak of; because of the difficulty of handling the pain. It's happened before, and it's happened again. I know i shouldn't of lied to myself about the facts...but the fake you tied to me into felt so fucking good. I regret it now, since i feel way ( Read more... )

School Musical Auditions

The curtain call rotts me to sleep,
As years have passed; I still ache,
The cold loneliness still surrounds me,
Up to the throat that i hold;
Are the lies ive convinced myself,
And I've been close to walking out,
But the next scene keeps me in,
Time adding to the; I miss you,
Nothing has been different now,
I'll cry myself to a ( Read more... )

 One doesnt work through anything when you feel like this. Nothing seems to become clear nor does anythng become an easier fluid to swallow. Id like to shatter myself a crown, or runnaway to a distant space where no one can come find me...or bug me about what isnt going right in my life. Dont you think i know.. I know. I'm not messing my whole life ( Read more... )

Should i be feeling good or feeling bad. I cant seem to figure this out myself. And last i checked i still need nookie. The loneliness that has grow like a tree inside me, continues to just create more roots and dig itself deeper, and deeper. I can feel im never coming back to what i used to be. Shit has completely turned around...Thats awfully ( Read more... )

Cut the arteries in my neck,
And take away my only life,
I dont deserve to see the light,
Or breathe this finery called air,
Besides you know i hate life,
With me the current meltdown,
Raped and burned your virginity,
I swear your faults; are my knife,
I feel all complete hurt,
When your the only one bleeding
Kissing your dagger to my throat,
( Read more... )

 Your too late. Im drowning myself in the closest room to your speech.  6 minutes to a head rush and suffocation fame.  Color me black and kill the lights. Here comes the final together. Deep down i know I'm about to die. And i still can fake a smile to return myself the favor of artificial happiness  and organized confusion. My devotion that grew ( Read more... )

I've trapped myself in my habits i let absorb me alive.  Its seems to be the only way at the present time. I take advantage of these times to support my bad habits...and tell myself its okay for now.  When it isnt okay, at all. Bleeding or purging im still going to be the same and my problems will be the same as well if not magnified. But for now i ( Read more... )

Shoot me with ephedrine, or make me choke on Ephedra pills...Because I'm the person i hate most. This is the perfect way to bleed, in a concrete justice to myself...in my new suit.  Let me asphyxiate all over your prada shoes and whisper my name further than yours to complicate every time you say I love you. It always has to be this way.
Look at the ( Read more... )