well its been a while cause i don't have the internet. i am forced to come to the public library. oh well. i've been staying at meghans for less than a week. we have had a few disagreements, but its all been worked out. i love her so much. i am still looking for work all the time. its even harder cause i am way out here in ahwatukee and i don't ( Read more... )

meghan got to come over last night! :D it was awesome. i love every second i spend with her. and for a few weeks those seconds are gonna be a hell of a lot more frequent. my mom and i are living with meghan and her family for 2 weeks before my mom moves to seattle. it'll be cool that i'll get to be with her all the time and not be in trouble for ( Read more... )

i sit around and watch the tube but nothings on. i change the channels for an hour or two. i twiddle my thumbs just for a bit. im sick of all the same old shit. in the house with unlocked doors and im fucking lazy. peel me off this velcro seat and get me moving. i sure as hell can't do it by myself. im feeling like a dog in heat bored in doors from ( Read more... )

well i feel sick :( today has been ok took stuff to the airport to ship it to washington.... hung out with george! spent some time with meghan :) now im sitting here all alone just waiting till she goes babysitting so i can talk some more to meghan. then tomorrow i am taking her to drill team. i love spending time with her. oh i ( Read more... )

well that shrink yesterday was a complete waste of time and money. thats why i didn't update last night, i was too pissed. all he did was tell me that he was the wrong doctor to see and that i need to see a counseler. fuck that guy. well i might have a job finally. i will find out tonight if i get this job. it would be really nice. it is 0500 - ( Read more... )

i was supposed to ship out today. but instead i have an apointment with the head shrinker. this sucks. but at least i got to see meghan this morning. i am going to go look for a job. i am planning on updateing about the shrink later. so all will be told then. later days
i love you meghan

yesterday was unexpected and tiring. i went all day. i got up at 0530 and never stopped till about midnight. nothing really interesting happened until i got a call from MEGHAN! it was unexpected. but i was invited for dinner! i was shocked. but it made me happy. i went there at like 545 pm and was there till about 11.it was nice. we ate dinner. ( Read more... )

fuck. i am trying to help meghan. its hard. i was invited to her house tonight kinda random like. don't know why. hope nothing bad happens. i need a job. how come no one ever comments in my journal? i am scared. i can handle no more lies. any more lies and i am going to explode. i can't be held resposible for the consequences cause people have ( Read more... )

I don't know what im doing. I don't know what to say. I see the punches coming. But I don't step out of the way. I wish I knew the future. I wish I knew my past. No matter what I do. It always kicks me in the ass. I search for the truth and am delivered with pain. I seek to warm my heart so there is more love for me to gain. Then things turn around ( Read more... )

well i was supposed to meet meghan this morning at 730. i told her i would be there no matter what. i wasn't. i feel like complete shit. the one time in my life that i sleep through an alarm and it has to be today. WHAT THE FUCK?! i am doomed. i have lost all hope. it seems no matter how hard i try i always make things worse. what the fuck is wrong ( Read more... )