I'm always scared to let my guard down and relax. For some reason, as long as I can remember, I've always felt like doing and thinking the opposite (worst) scenario would keep me prepared for anything. Instead I'm always being extra hard on myself, dreading normal daily interactions with people, and not getting or giving as much of myself as I'd ( Read more... )

I feel pretty good right now. Sure, I've had a drink or two, alone, in my clean-as-fuck apartment. The fountain is trickling and sending soothing sounds my way. I always enjoy a good smoke when I've had something to drink ( Read more... )

I don't wanna think about guys. I don't care about love or relationships or any of that right now. I am tired of worrying where I'll end up five years from now ( Read more... )

FUCK.

So Matt is moving out after this weekend. I am pretty conflicted about that. Partly because I will definitely miss him, but also because he serves a much needed purpose in my life. He is kind of a protective influence and helps cultivate a quite "plastic bubble" type of feeling for me. I know it is in my best interest to live alone until I have a ( Read more... )

I'm having a very emotional day. Shopping and eating are my two main coping mechanisms ( Read more... )

Ok I just took a 2 hour nap. I had a dream that I was with this group of people... everyone had something that they cared about and would give their lives for. This other group of men was trying to kill us or take that away so we'd want to die. Somehow we ended up having to cross some type of border and I had to shove a bunch of weed in my crotch. ( Read more... )

I just woke up from having a really weird dream. I was in this house with a bunch of guys. All of them were wearing coats with huge shoulder pads. The weirdest part was that the house and everything else was totally under water. I could breath under water ( Read more... )

I just feel uncomfortable today. I'm hungry even thought I just ate a nutri-grain bar. I'm contemplating transferring to a position in California so I can just get outta here for a while. I finally feel like right now is the right time in my life to make a move like that ( Read more... )

I should really proof read this entries. The sun is shining and after a long argument over the telephone-Steve and I are going to hang out for a few hours. We are always fighting for the little things, to simply hang out, talk, there is always fighting, always tension... why ( Read more... )