Fred's bit ( Read more... )

F: (smiling) George, have you seen the trick ham sandwich ( Read more... )

I reckon it's bloody convenient that Hogwarts's started doing animagus classes after we left. There's probably a reason for that.

Did you know...

A pig's orgasm lasts for 30 minutes.

A barnacle has the largest penis of any other animal in the world in relation to its size.

Oh, the possibilities.

--F

Ron's pissed off at George because he gave Ron's toy snitch away to a pretty Ravenclaw. Didn't even make her pay for it! George has been awfully quiet lately, too. Something's afoot.

We received this letter from our dear friend Lee Jordan, Auror, today:

"Recently, the Ministry has been trying to track down You-Know-Who's minions who have infiltrated our ranks. As it was, I was assigned to look after a certain group of suspected Wizards. In a stroke of genius, I remembered one of your old tricks, a magicked waffle that would ( Read more... )

( Splendid! )

Ugh, I bloody hate shopping. But I guess I had to find some robes for The Nightmare, as Ron calls it. I haven't been to one of these balls in years and I've grown seven whole centimetres since I last wore me dress robes.

(George: Yeah, seven centimetres round the middle ( Read more... )

I'll be your date to the Ball if you swear to eat some of our new treats afterwords. They won't do anything really awful to you, I promise.

"Fred," the kid says to me, "what's the best way to get back at a teacher without her finding out you were the one who did it ( Read more... )

F: I think I swallowed a piece of taffy.

G: You think you swallowed it? How do you think you swallowed it?

F: I sort of-- tripped. And it walked into my mouth.

G: It walked?

F: ...

G: I don't think that was the taffy, Fred.

F: What d'you mean? It was small and purple and blobby.

G: It walked.

F: Right. Well, time for the stomach pump, then.