if anyone's interested, i'm alive ( Read more... )

call me a romantic, but i always imagined that the first time that i was asked out by an unfamiliar boy would be great. it would leave me blushing, butterflies aflutter, unable to take my mind off of it for the next 48 hours. unfortunately, i don't live in the happy little world in my head, and the first time was horrendously awkward and much, much ( Read more... )

tonight, while lying in bed masturbating to christian programming, i had a revelation. the christian religion will never gain a firm hold on the god damn sinning heathens that populate this country for one simple, obvious reason: their god damn entertainment fucking sucks. the television shows are boring as hell (and, christ, seriously, they could ( Read more... )

it's probably because i was looking so forward to this weekend that it started out as complete crap. i mean shit, what better weekend would there be to get a ginormous internet OMG DRAMABOMB dropped on my face, WHILE getting sick and THEN have an incompetent hairstylist bitch cut my hair wrong ( Read more... )

so. you'd think after almost three weeks of not contributing to the world of livejournal, i'd have something worth writing about. but, really, i don't. the one MAJOR IMPORTANT LIFE ALTERING EVENT is too personal to joke about at the moment. it'd stir up too much shit that i'm not prepared to deal with ( Read more... )

i understand as an officer of the law sometimes the power may go to your head. you may feel it's necessary to uphold your tough-cop image by being a badass. here's a tip, officer: if you can't be a badass, don't try, you come off as a retarded dork. i was heading home from kyle's last week and got pulled over for speeding. the cop comes to my ( Read more... )

it makes me chuckle bitterly to know that at one place i had to fight tooth and nail to get a measly $8.50 an hour after six plus months of hard work and i turn around, get a job at a new place, and have them pay me the same without flinching, no questions asked. had i asked for more, i'm sure i would have gotten it ( Read more... )

alright my little crime-solving livejournal friends. we have a case! i need all of your expert opinions on a problem that has recently come about ( Read more... )

extensive naps and no employment lead to four a.m. adventures on the internet. until you realize it's not really an adventure because the only thing the internet is good for at this god awful time of the morning is siphoning your soul out of your unblinking eyeballs. by the time you realize your sanity is being snaked, the internet has got a death- ( Read more... )

on a scale of "i could have killed myself it was so bad" to "christ, what an awesome day," yesterday was definitely an "OH THANK GOD YOU ARE OVER AND DONE WITH but completely awesome day ( Read more... )