I've been all over the place tonight. back on meds and already my mind is fucked. one moment a happy thought will float by and I'll grasp onto it, smiling and enjoying life, and in the next moment, I want to cry for no reason. is this what 'normal' women go through once a month? if so, I'm sorry for every shitty thing I've said to you during those ( Read more... )

my brain feels fried. I can't think, can't react, can't make decisions. for the first time in quite a long time, today I seriously thought about leaving this place ( Read more... )

bitches be crazy.

eyes too large for comfort
glassy lacquer too bright to gaze into
teeth clenched painfully
against a nearly unstoppable outcry
of words no longer in my vocabulary
because to speak them is to
set into motion a chain of events
that I would not survive
not again

must break this habit
before there is nothing left

being nocturnal and alone (because my strongest instinct is to push people away) gives me too much time to think ( Read more... )

how does one deny one's feelings? push things back, down, away, living beneath a thin veneer of empty smiles, bitchy banter, and innocent conversation...I'm trying, but it seems unnatural to me.

ps - ...she smiles without her eyes, and her hands are cold.

I don't know why I continue to give into old emotions ( Read more... )

so tonight I found out that I'm the new crew leader for the off hours crew. (woohoo) while that doesn't mean more money (yet) it guarantees me a shit load of hours, and I'll have five people under me (heh, dirty) for now and more to come, all there to do my bidding. -maniacal laugh ( Read more... )

this is going to be a long week. I'm already behind on sleep and I don't think I'll be catching up anytime soon. my body aches, from work, and from my own stubborness ( Read more... )

I'm so stressed right now. if I stop and think about the situation I'm in, it makes me want to cry. I really don't know what to do. I'm one financial disaster away from just...giving up. because at that point, it would be so much easier than trying to fix my life.

this is such a scary place to be stuck at.