Men,..I think this is horrible to say but I think I have been using them. Psychically no. Emotinally yes. I miss Luciano, our connection, our bond, our relationship. I guess I am "lonely". I miss being in a relationship. I miss feeling loved from a man. Like my therapist says "Well as long as it makes you feel better, do it. Just don't let the ( Read more... )

It's been a while since I posted anything on here. October 19th was Luciano's birthday, he would of been 26. I wish I could say things have have gotten easier since he passed away. Still there isn't a day that passes by where I don't think of him. There's not an hour that passes by where I don't think of him. Everyday when I make my drive from ( Read more... )

So it has been four months since he passed away and it seems like just yesterday. I STILL MISS HIM. I STILL CRY AT NIGHT. The pain is not as extreme as it was in the first month but it still lingers on. I can't help but ask why. Why this had to happend to me, as if my life wasn't already fucked up. The one good thing in my life had to vanish ( Read more... )

Why is it that I have no inspiration to get back into shape?? Why can't we just eat and not get fat? Gaining weight and trying to lose it sucks!

I curse those pre-made cakes at albertsons!

So not only am I seeing theropist I am also seeing a psychiatrist. That just proves how crazy I am. =) Anyways I really don't think the theropist is working. All I do is talk about Luciano for about 15 minutes and cry. The thereopist being the great man he is, always says "it's okay to cry" So basically thats all the brilliant information I ( Read more... )

I talked to Mike a couple of days ago, it seems like he is going to help me find a loan processing job! YAY! After getting experience in that position I am going to get the balls to step up to be a loan officer!! I just need to become the gym nazi that I was so I can build my confidence back up so I could look hot. Then once I get deliciously ( Read more... )

I got these beautiful White Stargazer Lilies and Peruvian Lilies from a special friend. I don't know if its a good or bad thing to start "dating" I can't help but feel guilty to the thought of liking someone else. I don't know if its too soon. Maybe I am just missing that comfort of a man. Anyways I LOVE LILIES! They are my favorite type of ( Read more... )

This was posted on April 3, 2007
from San Diego/County Times
http://nctimes.com/articles/2007/04/04/news/sandiego/21_19_254_3_07.txt

Name released in fatal I-15 crash ( Read more... )

Back in May I had a unique experience. I was in a group counseling for grieving with about eight othere people. Since I was new they focused pretty much on me at that time. I started talking about Luciano how I wish I could of told him I loved him before he passed away, and I was crying and kind of screaming at the same time. As I was crying my ( Read more... )

It's going to be three months since his passing. It feels like it was just yesterday when it happend. I am still trying to come to the realization that I will never see him, hear his voice, or have him comfort me. It hurts. To have your best friend just ripped out of your life without any warning. My whole life revolved around Luciano as bad ( Read more... )