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Confrontations and mood swings
This week has been full of weird confrontations and me attempting to stand up for myself. I lodged a complaint against the psychotic construction worker who screamed at me, and wouldn't let me speak. I complained to my manager about the shitty way the lead in the other tasting room treats me, and I'm dealing with Audi's manager about all the car ( Read more... ) -
Failure conciousness
So I was taking a lovely yoga class today and during one of the stretches I started to feel like a failure for not carrying my pregnancy to term. I have been dealing with these huge emotional pits lately where I feel like a failure. My brain is often smarter and trickier than I am and will assign feelings about something else to a situation. So ( Read more... ) -
sadness prevails
Still this sadness prevails. It's driving me crazy because I can't quite put my finger on the source. Also my cerebral nature tends to overcomplicate the origins of my emotions. I explain them all away in circles. For example, love. I think well I must love this person because of logic, logic, logic,...when in fact I don't feel that way at all. I ( Read more... ) -
Sad=Wine sales
Last time I was really depressed about a loss I sold 6 cases. This weekend, I had really great sales and the other girls noticed and felt uncomfortable. It's a weird feeling to succeed and have others resent you. I've dealt with it my entire life in some form or another. I feel almost back to normal and can see a clear path of what I want to ( Read more... ) -
Crawling out of the pit
This morning I awoke in total despair. Since I've moved here 5 people I know have died. My great Aunt Alice, Dimas Grandpa, Jodi a server I used to work with, Bill a bartender I was acquainted with, and Larry most recently on Thursday morning. Billy blew his brains out and Larry died very quickly of Kidney cancer. These two were within a week of ( Read more... ) -
Old Patterns
I've been kind of self destructive lately. Drinking to much and wallowing in a pit of despair. I had a huge epiphany about my relationship and how I don't feel safe being sexual since the miscarriage. We had a talk about it, but I know I need to find a psychologist to work through some things that are still present. My stomach has been upset the ( Read more... ) -
LJ I've strayed from you
I can't believe I haven't posted a single thing since we arrived. I guess I have just been settling in. I have two jobs now. One at a tasting room and one at a spa. I'm making waaayyy less money and am experiencing what Dima calls normalitis. Being overworked and underpaid, but am working on solutions to get out of that cycle. I submitted a piece ( Read more... ) -
Oregon
We're here!!!! We made it safely through the tornado and snow storm. We didn't kill each other on the way. The land is so beautiful. The house is so charming.
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Finalization
Finalized the movers, planned the road trip route, and am starting the licensing in Oregon process. I can't wait to get out there!!!!! Been making lots of stuff too.
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2015 pt 2
I dreamt of a magical land where Buddha sculptures of varying sizes lived in the mist. Becoming animated at night, bringing life and hope back to me. I woke up in the fading wallpapered bedroom with the crib in it, and for the first time since the miscarriage and the move felt like myself a little bit. I was still adjusting to my new surroundings ( Read more... )