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resume
I've been in a fog the past couple days. The cold and grey filling my mind with a dark cloud and my body with a fatigue and lethargy. Working on my resume has been challenging. This piece of paper represents me, who am I? I had some updating to do since I've been self employed for the past 4 years. I'm ready to be in a group environment again. I ( Read more... ) -
(Untitled)
I wrote the most beautiful entry about 2014 called miserable glamour. Poof when I went to publish it, my internet reset and it disappeared. Gone like last year. The first week of 2015 has settled in nicely. I feel ( Read more... ) -
35 Black
There has been a lot of death around this past week. Puppy's brother died in a work accident, my friend Cary's boyfriend died in a snowboarding accident, and Elisabeth's mother in law nearly died and is in the hospital with stage 3 lymphoma. So we planned a little Indiana trip to have some fun and see some friends. Dima had vouchers for free ( Read more... ) -
A day of goodbyes
Laying in bed this morning with Dima, my phone rings a number not in my contacts. I answer it thinking it is a new client or someone wanting to buy the drum I have for sale. "Hey" says the other line. "Hello?, who is this?" I ask, confused by the familiarity of the voice on the other line. "It's me Brandon". I remember I've deleted his number ( Read more... ) -
inside
I spent the entire day inside by myself just getting stuff done. My therapist told me to write a love letter to myself and I wrote 6 pages of other stuff instead. Then I tried again and got a bit closer, but I guess the truth comes out. I'm not in love with myself yet. Getting there but not at the level of self aporeciation and value I want to be. ( Read more... ) -
winter so far
It's here. Snow flurries, cold, wind, and yet I'm not that bothered. This month has been slow again financially, and yet I'm not that bothered. It feels like I'm transitioning and laying the framework for a more domestic life. Cooking and staying in. Really enjoying my alone time. Cleaning and organizing. I went to fraggles bridal shower this ( Read more... ) -
relief
I caught myself off guard at therapy today. I got really emotional and just really said what I was feeling instead of trying to rationalize and categorize everything. It was cathartic. I feel a ton better now and was able to work today. My cars brakes don't seem to work in the cold and I almost mowed down three pedestrians so taking the car in ( Read more... ) -
hmmmmm....
Surprise visit from my friend Hilary today. She called me out of the blue and came by. We chatted for a couple hours and it made me realize I've done a lot the last couple of months. I felt like everything had just really slowed down, but it's just been more healthy productive things. Why in my mind do I relate being healthy and productive with ( Read more... ) -
mood swings
They're crazy right now. Last night I really let myself feel loved and today I feel angry and stupid. A lot of self loathing has been coming up as I look back on my life. I think this is all part of the cleansing process. It's all coming out. I cried two days ago and what came out shocked me. I said I just want a mommy and daddy. I'm questioning my ( Read more... )
