Today is a Fresh Start ( Read more... )

I realized I've had this journal since 2005. So many things have changed, but I always end up back here at different moments in my life... where I want to revisit and reclaim ana, confront my body and my quest again. For too long, I neglect this, and just think about it, silently, internalizing every bite of food, every glance in the mirror. I had ( Read more... )

I haven't written in my own LJ for over a year... I only go through and read posts and comment. I guess I had too much going on with Grad. School. How far and high time flies away from me ( Read more... )

Drinking 1 Liter FIJI waters all day, all week, until that number gets down to a comfortable range, until the scale shows me something to help me sleep at night, to help me dream of something other than skin & bones even when I can finally sleep ( Read more... )

Well, I've been married for about 18 days now... haha. We got our wedding video back, and I hate to say this - I really hate even saying this at all, but I kept thinking it - that even though it is amazing, the ceremony, the beach, it was all so amazing - but that I looked horribly fat from the back the entire ceremony. I really didn't feel like ( Read more... )

My boyfriend's best friend told me last night that I look noticably thinner. We haven't seen him or his fiance (they're our good friends) in a few weeks, bc everyone's been in and out of town. So I love when I can go a while without seeing friends, bc the ones I see all the time don't really seem to notice my weight-loss as much bc they see me ( Read more... )

Boyfriend came back from vacay yesterday--he definitely noticed my weight-loss, because my size 4 jeans would not even stay on my body. I laid on the couch and he came over & grabbed the waist of my pants & was like, there was no way you were that much bigger or ever fit into these jeans. I was like, yes they are (well, were) my favorite jeans ( Read more... )

wish I didn't need food... I seriously wish there was no food around me ever--only water, green tea, grapefruit juice, V8, and a 1/2c. skim milk every other day. That is how I want to live. Multi-vitamins and those liquids. Please ( Read more... )

This week is a good starting point for next week. It's good to step down/away from food and not go completely from eating half-normally to fasting (prob.1000cals/day for me = half-normally), bc it'd be impossible not to fall off the wagon ( Read more... )

Starting Fresh AGAIN. Nothing matters before this, except that I've screwed up and haven't been on track at all, not a big screw-up like I used to do... no more BIG screw=ups ever, which has alerted me to the fact that my habits are completely changed. Now, a screw-up constitutes eating anything with a carb, anything with a gram of fat, anything ( Read more... )