THIS MEANS WAR!

Rumor has it that my mommy has gone and replaced me with a stupid cat! As if moving to California and leaving me with her stupid parents and Socrates weren't enough.

I hope this cat pees all over her!

I miss my mommy and I wish she would just come home :(

I got gas. Ya hear me ... GAS!! I is the FART MONSTER!!! Fear me and my toxic fumes!

I ate my poop today. ladyangst thinks this is gross but I find my poop to be real tasty. Eating poop is gooooooooooood! I think everyone should start eating poop! Here's to a poop-filled day! POOP!

Uh oh! I think mommy may be onto me.

She found my cape and my fake sideburns. This may force me to do something I was not prepared to do -- I may have to come out of the closet and admit that when she goes out on weekends, I-I-I-I-I am ... am ... I am an Elvis impersonator. That's right, I wear my studded white polyester jumpsuit and-and-and-


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I'm so bored and it's so hot outside the pavement burns my paws. Mommy is all sorts of ploopy, she won't even throw the ball for me. I think she's gonna abandon me again, I overheard her talking to Grandma about taking care of me. Sure, I'll get to play with my brother Socrates, but I'll still miss mommy while she is gone. I don't like it when she ( Read more... )

Mommy locked me in the kitchen and left for the day with some scary man. I don't like him. He smells funny. It's not fair, she gets to go out and play while I get stuck in this house all day. Good thing she doesn't know I can get out of that stupid room when she's gone. Oh, I hear the ice cream man. Damn it, I need to learn how to open the door.

Mommy needs to get her ass off the couch and feed me damn it!

Mommy's all crazy insane. She's running around the house screaming at things that are not there and she called me stupid and uh oh here she comes, I think I am going to go hide behind the couch -- Oh look a ball ... it must be hiding from mommy too!

Mommy keeps talking about getting another dog. I do not want a brother or sister. I do not wanna share my house or my toys with a stupid puppy. I should not have to share mommy with anyone else. She is my mommy and nobody elses!! I swear if mommy gets a new dog I am going to get so mad I am going to pee all over this house!