(Untitled)

[podmore_sturgis]

I was out for a smoke, eh, and suddenly I saw someone apparate in the wrong place. Death by fence is pretty fucking bloody. Makes me not want to apparate for the next hour or something, but I doubt I'd be able to live without apparition anymore, eh. Here in this book, I, Sturgis V. Podmore, declare that if I were to die so stupidly, I would

Comments

[gid_prewett]

I, Gideon Octvaian Prewett, hereby swear that if those cocklickers want to give you, Sturgis V. Podmore, a remembrance ceremony in the Atrium, I will do everything I can to disrupt it, using shadow puppets, Fabian's lace knickers, and streaking if necessary.

[podmore_sturgis]

I actually miss having those ceremonies to skive off work. The one for McGann was a bloody riot.

[gid_prewett]

Riot and a complete bundle of LIES. McGann was such a bastard, I can't believe the sodding Junior Secretary of my arse had the nerve to refer to him as a 'good citizen' and all that other shite. Speak not ill of the dead, sure, but make everyone think he wasn't the biggest horse buggering cunt I've met in a while? Fuck off!

[podmore_sturgis]

Well! I'm sure he did his good deeds, probably. Just noticed how that is a contradiction.

Anyway, Fevermont asked me to write his obituary, since apparently nobody else wanted to. All I had to do was remember all those fond words spoken at the Atrium. This was also the only time I had a reason to write the word "perspicacity". I just hope I don't become the official obituary writer. Eh, unless I cash more money, that is. If so, then Nondescript Apparition Victim, you're next!

One more thing, streaking? Do you do that during Christmas too?

[agentrookwood]

How dreadful. Where were you when you saw this?

[podmore_sturgis]

The stairs. It was all really nice, blokes coming in and out with stick up their arse, and then all of a sudden, bloodfest!

[agentrookwood]

The stairs. How descriptive.

[podmore_sturgis]

Sorry to disappoint you.

[futureauror]

Death by Fence?

But Professor Moody never mentioned that in Defence lessons!

[gid_prewett]

ARE YOU THE ONE HANGING AROUND MY SISTER?

[futureauror]

Er I'm not Ludo if that's what you want to know.

[gid_prewett]

She doesn't mention Ludo as much as she mentions Frank and oh mum can I go visit Frank mum can I sleep over at Frank's mum make Gideon and Fabian stop saying horrible things about Frank oh Frank Frank Frank let me hold you against my bosom ad nauseum.

[antonindolohov]

Pity.

It's so hard to get bloodstains out.

[podmore_sturgis]

Eh, d'you clean the fences?

[antonindolohov]

No.

I'm just being sympathetic.

[podmore_sturgis]

Nice try, then.

[amazonstar]

Who got th'fence?

[podmore_sturgis]

Hello. Do I know you?

[amazonstar]

Not yet.

My brother-in-law frequents th'Ministry on business, and I only want to be sure that it wasn't he who was killed in such a manner.

[podmore_sturgis]

Is your last name Morrell?