Today i very carefully walked out onto two 2" aluminium tubes that were 25 feet in the air and started to remove them. the whole time the voices in my head were screaming "EEEEEP ( Read more... )

The days off that just past, it was a little something special for me. It was one of those moments were you look at your coping mechanisms in a new light sort of way. I think it started when the lovely shrink asked. me not to use booze or weed on the days of our sessions as it friggs up the process. No problem I say, I go 9 days without it when I ( Read more... )

Last month I read the science of yoga and I'm so glad I did. It prepared me for something that might of had me wondering . There are certain poses that will cause a spike in testosterone ( rule of thumb: anything that you push ur junk into th floor or other hard surfaces.)this spike has been shown to be higher in women. Where is this going? Well, ( Read more... )

I Twice this week I'm going to work on less, than 4.5 hrs of sleep. I started waking up around 1230-0130 again, but thanks to the zoloft and the crew change it isn't in a blinding rage anymore. For that I am very thankful. Now that: have a less passive aggressive journeyman,who is willing to teach me and not expect me to pay him out of my own ( Read more... )

Today has be a hard one. A double dose of of the P's. Pms /ptsd.I went off on my crew. First my journey man and the the other two. I'm thinking that frustration is a big trigger.and that I need to up the dose on my meds. They ain't working no more.

This week I discovered, much to the amazement of some coworkers, that I can hammer 3" nails with my left ( less dominant ) hand .

Last night I hit the gym for the first time in camp.it was only because I had to wait for the shower and I'm sick of not seeing results, despite having a very physical job, cutting portion sizes and making healthier choices. I realize that the newly firming muscles have something to do with this stubborn plateau, but it's maddening! When I ( Read more... )

tummy bugs suck. i woke up the night before last, not in a fit of rage as per the norm, but in readiness for the onslaught. within the hr i started to spend some quality time with the bathroom.most of the time it was with a towel gritted between my teeth and feeling like i was passing glass. not my idea of fun by a long shot ( Read more... )

... I have a new career. it's in a shaky phase for me right now and we'll see how it goes. but right now, i'm a steeplejack. ( a.k.a. a scaffolder).. found out last week that 80-90% of my coworkers have done time at least once. and many of them act as thought they're still in the yard. my Jman (journeyman)  is no exception.  He's a white power boy ( Read more... )

 On Friday i was diagnosed with RR-PTSD. and started the first part of the treatment, zoloft.  The talking therapy  will start on the 22nd but it's sure nice to know that A) i was right, there was something going on up here * knocks on head*. ( add a silent  "f.u." to the nay sayers who thought i was being silly when i started to get worried).  B ( Read more... )