8 years!

That is how long I have had this thing now.

If it was a bb, it would be rolling its eyes and snapping its gum and demanding a cell phone and setting things on fire.

Glad it's not.

5000

i like orange juice and am heterosexual......except when im having sex with my gay son on a unicorn

o i am a bad lady

5000

So who here is fluent in legalese? I got this thing in the mail that says I am part of some class action lawsuit against one of my former employers because they did crimes against humanity or something ( Read more... )

PISS IN THE BATHROOM.

5000

What kind of shit can I pawn that is actually valuable? I'm in sort of dire straits with a consumer reporting agency or some shit and they are trying to garnish my wages.

WTF? When did that happen? Oh right, when SM was only giving me 12 hours a week and I made <$250 last month ( Read more... )

• 09:11 i am about to pee. #

This post has been brought to you by LoudTwitter**

LOL.

**Look harder.

5000

( Read more... )

I feel like you should know that a dog pissed on me today.

After that a boy took me out for milkshakes. It was all very 1950's. He met my folks, and I met his... all of this with dog pee on.

I still got it!

What.

5000

( Read more... )

I shouldn't drive when I am excited, because I'm going to get pulled over for it. I drive like I am wasted out of my mind when I am excited. Sometimes, even when I am not excited, I forget what side of the street to drive on. True story. I also sometimes forget which is the throttle and which is the brake, if you know what I mean ( Read more... )