Shoot, so this is married?

[poodah]

It's not just me being bitchy. While scentedwoods might be right about booze and meds, I don't think I'm all alone in the bitchfest. It just feels that way cause I get mad and Jeff gets martyred

Comments

[annablume]

I think you're 100 percent on about this being growing pains. I actually quite remember the first six months after I got married being totally miserable - and we had lived together for some time as well. I don't know why it happens. Maybe because so many other things get put on the back burner until after the wedding? Maybe because we struggle to redefine ourselves as individuals within the construct of the marriage partnership? Maybe because all the excitement is over and there's happiness dip that follows.

Anyway, I'm sorry that things are tough right now. Hugs.

[scentedwoods]

Absolutely. Plus, before the wedding you had this great big common goal to work on together and now you're apart.

[poodah]

That is true too--especially when the big goal wasn't exactly what Jeff thought he needed or wanted. I think he doesn't so things the way I do, but my strong personality did some major bullying pre-wedding and now is the backlash.

[poodah]

I think you're right--it might be the putting things on the back burner, as well as the habit of doing everything together. Both end up creating little resentments and a weird dependency. At least I see that happening for me. I'm thinking I just need to have faith in our relationship while I step back and do nice things for myself.

Last night I negotiated a new budget item--money for sports, work out classes and boot camps. It's a nice chunk of change and I'm using some of it to take a belly dancing class. Maybe even some Vinyasa yoga. And, I've got books waiting for me at the SF public library. More to do and think about than just the new job, the new marriage and the new stresses will help.

[thatgirljj]

Be kind to each other. It's so, so important in the first year. You're making for yourselves what marriage will be like and it's confusing and hard. Plus, you both seem to be going through so many other transitional things. Give yourself some time and some emotional space.

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[donojong]

Great site, very impressive.