I am just so overwhelmingly tired. all i want to do is sleep. all i want to do is forget ( Read more... )

The life I chose to live for the past several months is still ravaging me.  I have laid everything on the line and watched it all slowly waste away.  Everything is out the door and this post mortem life is keeping me securely fastened in.  It imprisons me, it holds me captive, everywhere I turn it stares at me in the face and demeans my life.

before you overdose.

what a stupid game to play.

no winners.

I give up.
sending myself into a dismal abyss.
I can feel it.
everything is going to fall apart.

            I stood over his bed watching the sweat roll down his pale gray cheeks thinking to myself, "Why does it have to be my only boy, God?  Why couldn't you have taken this old man and let this boy go on being' a boy."  He lay there with ailments never seen in these parts.  We had just about tried everything to cure him from sweating the ( Read more... )

I had a job interview yesterday at costplus ( Read more... )

    I thought to myself as you held me in the still darkness of our damp room, "hold me as close as you can far away from hell and as close as heaven can possibly get."  I looked into your eyes for the same love I see burning deeply every night, but this time I saw only the dead pacing back and forth.  I saw the tears and blood form at the bottom ( Read more... )

Sometimes I hate how my mind works ( Read more... )

            Every morning before my eyes are even open, curses pour from my mouth into the air filling it with a stench of a ruined and forgotten life.  By the time I am able to erect myself, in more ways then one, I fill my body with the toxins of impotence and desperation.  And when I finally reach to the point of being upright on my feet, I ( Read more... )

            The night was hard and empty, a place I loved to be, but rarely ever was.  I was getting several different chills that all felt exactly the same. The first was one of a deep sadness inflicting a wound on myself that lead to a chill rising up my back.  The second was one of an everlasting happiness that the world would always have to ( Read more... )