Before you read this blog entry, go look at this and laugh for a bit. Obviously I won't know if you're cheating, but JUST DO IT.

FUNNYFUNNYFUNNNYYYYYY Go, feel good, and if you remember, come back ( Read more... )

I gotta say that while I don't entirely comprehend your reasoning lately, I'm really digging all of the mixed-message mindfucks you're throwing at me. Not sarcastically. I really do enjoy it. Like the kindacuteguy today at Humber Bay who came over after seeing me grind green, said "biking is good. you lose your weight! that's good!", and then ( Read more... )

I'm doing it anyways. A day has passed since BB dumped me, and I found myself fuming yesterday over some of what he said in his dump message. Since he's asked me not to contact him, and I did anyhow, I don't feel right responding to him (plus, I can't anyhow, unless I do shady Facebook manoeuvres and send a message from another account. Which is a ( Read more... )

Just back from an 8-day stay back home with Mom. The calm energy began to dissipate while crossing the waters back into Toronto mainland, but I'm glad to be home. I think this city's word is HURRY ( Read more... )

I've reached a new low, depression-wise. Yesterday found me in desperate need of socializing. I need to feel normal, and not like a fat freak show, and I hoped that socializing with friends at Pride would help with that. I don't think I'm ever going to be much smaller than I am now, and this is my body. I'm tired of feeling like a criminal just for ( Read more... )

Damn. I am a very angry person. I remember feeling rage inside of me since at least as early as age five. FIVE YEARS OLD! What does a white, middle-class (at that time), cute and creative child have to be so angry about? Maybe I really was abused by a caregiver, as mom suspected. Maybe dad did something other than that one time when I was nine. I ( Read more... )

So.. here's the thing. It feels sometimes as though I am in an existential crisis. Heart and mind collide kind of thing. Even stoned, right now, I've known for so fucking long that I need to stop smoking weed. It keeps me from doing so many things, out of fear and paranoia. But it's like... well, it's an addiction. And while I still function, ( Read more... )

It's not so much that I hate marriage. Ok, maybe it is. Years ago, and for all of my life, I wanted to get married. I wanted that status that is bestowed upon women who finally catch a dashing, handsome, tall (yes, tall seems to be a coveted trait in North American men), sexy man to marry. In our society, who you date is sort of like a lottery, and ( Read more... )

So I changed the inner tube in my bike for the first time today. I heard it puncture, or specifically, I heard the air leaking out. I'm always paranoid about flats, pulling over often to check air pressure, but the few times I've had them, there was no mistaking that something was wrong. Extreme wobbliness. But anyhow, I didn't feel like waiting ( Read more... )

I remember her red lips most of all. The confusion surrounding our parting especially recalls me. Trust is gone, making it hard to reach out or open up. I cycled past and smiled, reflexively. Music plays, gifted by a boy I like. Three bodies, not exactly entwined. Diamond of the deep, complicated layers, called me tonight. And last night. Bad for ( Read more... )