ok i get it. i'm useless. i'm meaningless. i have no reason to keep trying. i fucking get it. i'm sick of this all. there's no point. i fucking get it. he was fucking right. all i was meant to do is hurt n kill people. that's it. other then that i have no meaning. n every fucking word here hurts more then the last. ok. i give up. i see no reason to ( Read more... )

wow. i cant believe that it's only 1:30... so i've only been sleeping for like 2 hours maybe. n in that time i've had this really wierd dream that's just stuck in my head like many others now...... i was living back on new friendship. n there was a lot of detail stuff that happened that doesnt really matter but i saw kristine. n then a day went by ( Read more... )

who am i? please someone tell me who i am. i have no idea anymore. it seems that i'm a different person around every person. i'm not one person. i'm like a hundred different people. i dont understand it. who am i? have i created so many masks that i've killed who i really am? have i made it impossible to find who i really am? please someone tell me ( Read more... )

i'm tired. i'm really really tired. i dont want to do this shit anymore. the same old stuff. i'm tried of school. i'm tired of work. i'm tired of parties. i'm tired of all this social bullshit. i just want out.... we had a party last night. yea. it was fun for awhile. went back to the moon motel. but then ofcourse shit just started happening. ( Read more... )

fuck it all.... i really hate my life. i really do. i'm so close right now to just gettin up n leaving. i've been thinkin bout callin my bro up n askin him if i can use his house out in cali for awhile. i mean he's in north cali for school n his place is in san diego. y couldnt i use it for awhile. i hate school. i dont see the point of it. i'm ( Read more... )

so yea. i'm sitting here again thinking.... luke left 2day. fucker came home for like 2 weeks. we caused a lot of trouble again. like always. it was fun. he couldn't of came at a worse time. school n work fucked up a lot. but o well. it was fun. dumbass signed up to go to iraq. so that's where he's heading now. fuck nuts. he better come back alive ( Read more... )

back in january of 2003 we had to write a poem for english class. i 4get the teacher i had. it was either demore or dague. not really sure. i always get those 2 years messed up. but i wrote a poem for him. the fist poem i ever wrote. i never really reconized that poem just bc i had to write it for class. he asked me if i was related to poe. he said ( Read more... )

so summer is over. school is starting. n this i hope will be one of the last times i write in this for awhile. gonna start writing poems again so that'll deal with my emotions. but yea... projekt revolution. like i had said fucking great. after that though. yea. for some wierd reason i got like this extreme amount of emotions bout everything n i ( Read more... )

went to projekt revolution wed. omg! that was fucking amazing. just fucking amazing. went up there with jess, jen, mat perry, n jared. meet up with andrew n some of jen's friends. it was fucking amazing. got there in time for placibo. they sucked. the singer cant sing lol. heard h.i.m. they were good. played some of their new stuff. taking back ( Read more... )

i just need to rant again. my parents kinda put me into a depression again. fuckin askin me bout my future. what i want to do next year. n constantly going on bout how i can get a house when i get a job. i dont fucking know what i'm gonna do next year. i fucking dont even know what i'm doing in the spring damnit. stop asking me. i dont have a ( Read more... )