5 years ago I was riding the high of acceptance

Excitement I was marrying my love with my families support

Than everything changed with a few texts and an ER doc

Telling us just him and I he was dying I sat alone trying to process

I had to tell my brother my fiancee the world that my Randy

The man who chose me was going to be gone

4 months of ( Read more... )

Who do you want to be after the ashes rise? Who do you want to be come? Stronger financially stable, has a voice and uses it without fear. 

Written to someone that I'm so attached to and have no idea why:

ill forever stop to play in puddles of mud if i can ill forever stare in wonder at the stars and the moon and the sunrise and sunsets ive never want to lose that wonder of this incredible world we live in with all of these fascinating creatures and humans goodness their odd ones they ( Read more... )

I watched our wedding video

You actually looked like you

Almost loved me

But we both know that isn't true

You were done at that moment

I wish you could have said it

but than i don't

because that day i was so happy

i had everyone in my life who loved me

and now their all gone

im in hell

but I'm so thankful for the dogs

as i curl up in tears ( Read more... )

Like I a phoenix I'm rising from the ashes

Making plans for a future without you

Thought it kill it's slowly

Bringing me back to life

Quarataine aint bad

The creative side of brain is slowly clicked on

I did 20 or so jumping jacks maybe 3 sit-ups 1 push up only up from here

need to get muscle back on me I'm too skinny

The reason why others over emotionally or vibrant behavior bothers me is because they are free from the mainstream cog that I am trying so hard to escape from i.e disabled people dance and laugh fully never worrying about what others thing and I realize that is a stereotype of disabled people. I am no freer than the prisoner on death row. How do I ( Read more... )

Have I live safely or authentically? I believe for the most part I've lived authentically to everyone but my family except for the last five years when I met Beth I gained the confidence to be myself and that hasn't changed. I don't do things all the time to please others, its definitely getting easier being alone. I really want to walk just walk ( Read more... )

Goldfinch:pg 335"Laughter was light,and light was laughter and that this was the secret of the universe"

WHEN YOU MARRIED ME YOU SET AN EXPECTATION OF FOREVER I HAVE A RIGHT TO BE UPSET THAT EXPECTATION WAS BROKEN

If Brock got me in trouble you were the savior but you pulled the same shit but worse you were supposed to be my protector you let me get as fucked up as I wanted to exposed me to people  I didn't need to be around let alone in that state.