Let's Play Homestuck
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Act 5 Act 2: He Is Already Here.
Part 4: Economic Lockdown
Link back to comic: Page 2732
AG: This is the most ridiculous pile of useless crap I have ever seen.
AG: Jegus, John.
EB: how do you know about jegus? do you even know what that is?
AG: I have no idea! It's something Terezi has 8een saying non stop for some reason.
AG: John! Is that a frog I see there?
AG: How do you have a frog already????????
EB: i dunno. i found it, and i decided to captchalogue it for some reason.
EB: frogs are pretty cool.
AG: John, shut your trap! We are in a hurry here.
AG: Ok, I think I can make you a completely faaaaaaaa8ulous outfit using this trash, and may8e some other stuff around your hive.
AG: 8ut you have to do exactly what I say!
EB: bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy bossy.
EB: to the eighth power.
EB: times eight infinities!!!
AG: H8RRY 8P!!!!!!!!!
EB: that was nine !'s.
AG: Oops.
Some alchemy later...
EB: this is the fabulous outfit you had in mind?
EB: i was just picturing something...
EB: more elaborate? like maybe more adventurey.
AG: Fuck that.
AG: This is a really hot look for you, John. It makes you look a million times more cool, instead of some kind of overa8sconding daggerlance fl8ling pansy.
AG: Now move your ass!
AG: Go go go go go go go go!!!!!!!!
EB: ok, jeeeeeeeez.
EB: marquise bossyfangs mcsekret, this has been a lot of fun...
EB: but i have to go talk to my pals now, and also rescue jade!
AG: Yes, I know that, dummy! I am in complete command of your timeline, remem8er?
AG: We will not speak again for a while. 8ut for me it will only 8e a moment.
EB: how long will it be?
AG: Man, calm down! It will only 8e a couple of hours or so.
AG: Sweet Jegus, I have clearly done a num8er on you to engender such a frothing o8session so quickly.
AG: In the meantime, try not to get corrupted 8y anyone too lame. Especially no8ody with 8rown text or gray text, or any shit ugly color at all for that matter.
EB: ok, i will try.
EB: thanks for all the help. bye, ms. serket!
-- ectoBiologist [EB] began pestering turntechGodhead [TG] --
EB: hey dave!
EB: wow, it's been a while since we talked, hasn't it.
TG: i talked to you plenty more times since that from where im standing
TG: ive got to make this quick
EB: are you using the troll time chat gizmo?
TG: fuck no fuck that trollian horseshit
TG: its just regular old time travel
TG: i need to borrow some boondollars off you
EB: uh...
EB: how much do you need?
TG: all of it
EB: oh, fuck that!!!
TG: ill pay you back
TG: in the future
EB: i thought we only had something like 24 hours until, like...
EB: game over.
TG: chronologically ive been around for at least triple that
EB: i don't get how that works!
TG: no shit your deal is wind not time
TG: youre on easy street what is there even to think about with wind
TG: like what angle to blow it at to fly a damn kite or how gentle its gotta be to make a picnic go swimmingly
TG: leave it to the pros ok
EB: but, doesn't going back in time make an alternate reality?
TG: yeah it can work that way
TG: or not
TG: this whole operation is strung together with stable time loops
TG: no timeline offshoots cause thats when daves start dying and that isnt no good for nobody
TG: ive got some help though
EB: sounds like you have been talkin' to some trolls!
EB: they seem to be getting more talkative lately.
TG: man dont even get me started with that
TG: the 24 hour span of the reckoning is like some kind of critical spike in us dealing with troll bullshit
TG: ive been laying waste to chumps nonstop
TG: its like they heard somebody over here was handing out asses and theyve known nothing but years of bitter ass famine
EB: heheh.
EB: so what is the future like?
EB: do we win???
TG: noirs outta control
TG: rose is crazy jades crazier and youre
TG: well youre you
TG: but im not about to get into specifics cause this is complicated enough as it is
TG: and if i started ranting too much about the future id start sounding like one of these smug alternian shitheads and im not about to drop that retarded science on my good bro
TG: so im staying on track here
TG: speaking of which
TG: give me your money
EB: but...
EB: i worked hard saving up that money!
EB: i have a whole boonbuck now.
TG: oh christ
TG: only one
TG: ill take it anyway but damn
TG: im working the system here
TG: using time loops to manipulate the incipispheres financial sector
TG: making a goddamn killing in the lohac stock exchange
EB: lohac?
TG: land of heat and clockwork dude come on
TG: egbert stfu and give me your goddamn boonbuck j3gus fuck
TG: ill turn it into a boonmint in an hour and youll get it back ok
EB: j3gus?
EB: *narrows eyes suspiciously...*
TG: no comment
TG: you can wire it to my account
EB: bluh...
EB: fiiiiiiiine.
TG: dude
TG: dont do the vriska thing ok
TG: shes messed up we talked about this
EB: who?
TG: whatever
TG: gotta go later
It is the perfect crime.
Egbert's Boonbuck is channeled into your intricate dance of dollars.
You have this economy on lockdown.
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
GC: H3Y D4V3
GC: B1G N3WS
TG: have i made enough money yet
GC: OF COURS3 YOU H4V3
GC: BUT TH4T 1S NOT TH3 B1G N3WS! >:]
GC: 1 M4D3 YOU 4NOTH3R COM1C
TG: fuck
TG: bout time
TG: what took so long
GC: JUST B3C4US3 YOU GO FOR HOURS W1THOUT H34R1NG FROM M3
GC: DO3SNT M34N 1 4M NOT SL4V1NG 4W4Y H3R3 4T M4K1NG YOU R1CH
GC: F1N4NC14LLY 4ND 4RT1ST1C4LLY
TG: k cool lets see it
GC: http://tinyurl.com/T34CHM3D4V3
TG: damn
TG: thats incredible
GC: TH3 PH3NOM3NON OF TH3 COOLK1D 1S 4 F4SC1N4T1NG ON3 D4V3
GC: 1 H4V3 STUD13D 1T
GC: D1D YOU KNOW TH4T W3 DO NOT H4V3 COOLK1DS ON 4LT3RN14?
TG: oh shit really
TG: that loud sound of shock you just smelled was my jaw hitting the floor
GC: SOM3 TRY TO B3 1 TH1NK, W1THOUT 3V3N B31NG 4W4R3 OF TH3 T3MPL4T3 TH3Y 4R3 STR1V1NG FOR
GC: BUT 1 TH1NK YOU 4R3 PROB4BLY TH3 COOL3ST COOLK1D D4V3
TG: i cant possibly argue with any of that
TG: so are we done making money yet or what
TG: you said there was something specific we were working toward here
TG: i mean aside from buying up all the nastiest fraymotifs
GC: TH4T 1S 1MPORT4NT, W3 N33D TO K33P YOU COMP3T1T1V3 W1TH JOHN
TG: man
TG: dont matter what i do im not gonna outpace egbert
GC: DONT S4Y TH4T! YOUV3 GOT TO B3L13V3 1N YOURS3LF D4V3
GC: Y34H OK, JOHN M4Y S3RV3 YOU YOUR OWN BULG3 ON 4 S1LV3R TURN T4BL3 PR3 SCR4TCH
GC: BUT WH4T 4BOUT 4FT3R TH4T?
TG: yeah fine
TG: so whats the other thing we were accomplishing here
GC: Y3S, NOW 1S TH3 T1M3
GC: YOU MUST W1R3 YOUR BOONDOLL4RS TO MY 4CCOUNT
GC: 1T 1S CR1T1C4L TO 4LL OUR PL4NS
TG: ok so this was your game
TG: to get rich off me
TG: alright well its not like i even have a problem parting with this useless bullshit money
TG: how much do you need
GC: 413 BOONBONDS
TG: thats all
TG: i can afford to give you a fuckload more than that
TG: how bout i give you an even boonbank
GC: NO!!!
GC: 1T MUST B3 3X4CTLY TH4T 4MOUNT
GC: YOU MUST W1R3 TH3 MON3Y TO MY 4CCOUNT 3X4CTLY 6 HOURS 4ND 12 M1NUT3S 1NTO TH3 P4ST
TG: its frustrating sometimes its like paradox space makes you do everything the hard way
GC: Y34H T3LL M3 4BOUT 1T
GC: 1F YOU ST4RT B3ND1NG TH3 RUL3S 4ND T4K1NG SHORTCUTS
GC: TH4TS WH3N D34D D4V3S ST4RT P1L1NG UP
GC: D34D D4V3S 4R3 TH3 3N3MY!
TG: reminds me
TG: i made you a comic a while ago
GC: YOU D1D???
TG: yeah here
GC: D4V3...
GC: TH1S COM1C 1S BORD3RL1N3 PORNOGR4PH1C
GC: (1T 1S F4NT4ST1C, 1 LOV3 1T)
TG: ok cool
TG: hey boonbonds incoming now
TG: brace yourself six hours ago
Meanwhile!
6 hours and 12 minutes into the past, for the trolls.
What the hell has been going on in here? There's blood everywhere, Karkat's passed out, and Kanaya's waving a chainsaw around.
Cripes, these kids. Anyway, you have something important to tell your memo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
CURRENT gallowsCalibrator [CGC] RIGHT NOW opened memo on board R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN.
CGC: B4D N3WS 3V3RYON3!
FUTURE gallowsCalibrator [FGC] 3 MINUTES FROM NOW resppnded to memo.
FGC: T3R3Z1 SOM3TH1NG H4S COM3 UP
FGC: Y3S YOU W1LL N33D TO CUT TH1S M3MO SHORT
FGC: 3V3RYON3, TH3 BOTTOM L1N3 1S TH4T PROSP1T W4S JUST D3STROY3D
FGC: >:[
CGC: >:[
FUTURE adiosToreador [FAT] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAT: iS,
FAT: tHAT WHAT HAPPENED,
FGC: WOW 1T TOOK YOU THR33 HOURS TO F1GUR3 TH4T OUT?
FGC: WH4T TH3 H3LL H4V3 YOU B33N DO1NG
FAT: mOSTLY,
FAT: gETTING USED TO THESE LEGS,
FAT: fALLING DOWN STAIRS, aND THINGS LIKE THAT,
FUTURE centaursTesticle[FCT] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FCT: D --> I'm quite sure I warned you about attempting to navigate stairs while adjusting to the new equipment
FUTURE arachnidsGrip [FAG] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAG: Yes, you told him 8ro!
FAG: I distinctly remem8er you telling him a8out stairs. 8ut he didn't listen.
FAG: What a 8unch of losers! I'm outta here.
FAG banned herself from responding to memo.
FUTURE arsenicCatnip [FAC] 3:14 HOURS FROM NOW responded to memo.
FAC: :33 < derse was just destroyed too
FAC: :33 < :'CC
FAC: :33 < feferi was sl33ping too, and now she will not wake up!
FAC: :33 < i am very purrturbed by this
FGC: 3V3RYON3, PL34S3!
FGC: P4ST T3R3Z1 H4S SOM3TH1NG 1MPORT4NT TO 4TT3ND TO 1N 4 MOM3NT
FGC: SO 1 4M 4FR41D 1 MUST CLOS3 TH1S M3MO!
FGC: 4S 4LW4YS, 1T H4S B33N 4 PL34SUR3 S3RV1NG YOUR TR4NST1M3L1N3 D1SCUSS1ON N33DS H3R3 4T TH3 R41NBOW RUMPUS P4RTYTOWN
FGC closed memo.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Hey look! Somebody just gave you some money...
...413 Boonbonds?!
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling twinArmageddons [TA]
GC: SOLLUX 1 N33D YOU TO TR4C3 4 MON3Y TR4NSF3R
TA: ok.
TA: bam, done.
TA: ii am fuckiing iincrediible.
GC: WHO 1S 1T?
TA: 2omeone from our uniiver2e, the one we ju2t made.
TA: 413 boonbond2? damn.
TA: maybe they know we made them? maybe iit'2 liike a tiip. liike thank2 dude2 for makiing u2 exii2t.
GC: >:???
GC: SO TH3N 1 GU3SS 1TS FROM 4N 4L13N
GC: M4YB3 W3 SHOULD T3LL K4RK4T
TA: ii'd leave hiim alone.
GC: WH4T DO3S H3 LOOK L1K3
TA: here come here ii'll open hiim up iin a viiewport.
Who'th thith douthchebag?
It appears that this child's lusus was slain in the meteor that brought him here. An adult human has taken the role of his custodian. What a strange culture.
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
GC: H3Y 34RTH BOY
GC: WH4T 1S YOUR SP3C13S C4LL3D
TG: north american hollering phallus baboon
TG: when our territory is threatened thats when the indiscriminate fucking begins
TG: could fuck a circus tent down a gas tank
GC: 1M NOT SUR3 WH4T TH4T M34NS
GC: BUT 1 SUSP3CT 1T W4S SOM3TH1NG H1GHLY L4SC1V1OUS >:|
GC: MY N4M3 1S T3R3Z1, WH4TS YOURS
TG: shaggy 2 dope
GC: 1 C4N SM3LL D3C31T
GC: L13S H4V3 4 SUBTL3 ODOR, 34SY TO M1SS 4T F1RST
TG: ok sorry
TG: its ben stiller
GC: TH1S F1RST 3NCOUNT3R 1S NOT GO1NG 4S W3LL 4S 1 HOP3D
TG: oh man another failed trolling attempt
GC: 1 4M NOT TROLL1NG YOU, 1 4M JUST TRY1NG TO G3T TO KNOW 4 L1TTL3 4BOUT YOU 4ND YOUR SP3C13S
TG: excuse me but it says right in the header of this conversation that youre trolling me
GC: OH Y34H
GC: OK TH1S M1GHT B3 H4RD FOR 4N 34RTH B4BOON TO UND3RST4ND
GC: BUT TROLL 1S 4 V3RB TH4T H4S 4 LOT OF NU4NC3
TG: let me just set aside some time to be stupid enough to believe that
TG: hey looks like next month is chemical lobotomy month youre in luck
TG: time to block you yet or what
GC: NO!
GC: L3TS K33P T4LK1NG
GC: WH4T 4R3 YOU DO1NG NOW
TG: drawing a comic
GC: C4N YOU SHOW M3 YOUR COM1C
GC: 1 W1LL DR4W YOU SOM3TH1NG 1N R3TURN
TG: you seem kinda young to me and this thing is like
TG: borderline pornographic
TG: how old are you
GC: 6
TG: whatever thats bullshit
TG: ok fuck it
TG: just dont tell your parents
GC: WH4T 4R3 P4R3NTS
TG: thats just about the saddest thing i ever heard get said
TG: here
TG: http://tinyurl.com/CDandSL
GC: 1 4M NOT SUR3 WH4T 1S PORNOGR4PH1C 4BOUT TH4T
TG: im not thrilled with this direction though i think its too much like my bros stuff
GC: YOU JUST H4V3 TO F1GUR3 OUT WH4T TH3 TRUTH 1S 1NS1D3 YOU
GC: YOU JUST N33D TO TRY TO B3COM3 4W4R3 OF 1T
GC: CLOS3 YOUR 3Y3S
GC: 4ND T3LL M3 WH4T YOU S33 1N YOUR M1NDSP4C3
TG: i see
TG: that fucking puppet
TG: wheres this drawing you promised me
GC: OK H3R3 YOU GO B3N ST1LL3R
GC: http://tinyurl.com/FORB3NST1LL3R
TG: oh my fucking hell
TG: that is horrendous
TG: in the most beautiful way
TG: that mouth
TG: its like
TG: a fucking pork chop
GC: 1M ST4RT1NG TO TH1NK YOUR N4M3 1SNT B3N
TG: ok lets say its
TG: dave why not
GC: OK D4V3, 1 H4V3 4 LOT TO DO
GC: BUT 1 W1LL G3T B4CK TO YOU
TG: what the hell could you possibly have to do
TG: doesnt seem like youre into trolling us as much as your numbnut friends
GC: 4R3 YOU SUGG3ST1NG OTH3RS L1K3 M3 H4V3 TROLL3D YOU
GC: 1 SHOULD PROB4BLY RUN TH1S BY
GC: MY L34D3R
TG: thats a retarded thing to say even by the standard of your own bullshit made up vernacular
TG: whos he really
TG: your boyfriend or something
GC: PFFFFFFFF Y34H R1GHT
GC: W3LL OK
GC: 1TS B33N SORT OF COMPL1C4T3D W1TH H1M
TG: ok asking for an explanation on that is pretty much the exact opposite of what im doing
GC: ON3 D4Y YOU W1LL RU3 4LL TH1S S4SS YOU H4V3 D1SH3D D4V3
GC: YOU M4Y NOT B3 4 G1RL, BUT YOU W1LL CRY L1K3 ON3 WH3N 1 4M THROUGH W1TH YOU
GC: TH3R3 W1LL B3 T34RS
GC: TH3Y W1LL SM3LL S4LTY, 4ND TH3N YOUR CH33KS W1LL B3 MY S4NDY B34CH >8]
TG: i plan on forgetting about you instantly after this conversation
GC: Y34H R1GHT
GC: YOU KNOW 1 H4V3 L3FT MY M4RK
TG: well maybe
TG: even if thats the case
TG: ill just forget on principle
GC: TH4T SOUNDS L1K3 SOM3TH1NG TH4T 4 COOL K1D WOULD TRY TO DO
TG: pretty cool guy here
TG: case you hadnt noticed
GC: 1 MOST C3RT41NLY D1DNT H4DNT NOT1C3D >:]
gallowsCalibrator [GC] began trolling turntechGodhead [TG]
NEXT CHAPTER: Cooking.
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