You say your hard to love... ha... if so I must be hard to hold... cause no matter how much I loved you you could never hold on to me... oh well... on to more things in life... I hope you are happy... I hope you get everything you want in life... just know that I cant be there... no matter how badly I want to... I need to just go...

I cant do this anymore... I cant be strong for everyone... I am barely hanging on to myself... I am told I am loved... I am told to be strong... at this point I am barely hanging on... I am done holding and and being strong... I just really want to be left alone and I really dont want to be alive... I dont have the fight in me...

I am so fucking tired... tired of everything and everyone.... I know Mari means well... I dont think she can even fathom how crappy I feel about myself... I am done with how I feel towards Eva.... I am done with the hurt... I am done with the feelings I have towards Mari... done with my folks... I am just done with everyone... I want to be alone ( Read more... )

Im so not playing games... I understand the need to vent... I do it all the time... but I do it in my writing.. not threatening to kill myself... ugh.... this hurts so fucking bad... I swear its so that I will stop loving her and move on... but idk... just grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.......

Eva Reyna ( Read more... )

Im so tired of being sick.. Im so tired of sitting here and crying... when will this all be over??? when will the hurt end??? Why do I have to love at all??? why do I care??? why cant I just disappear??? all my questions will be answered in time... but fuck... I am so tired... Im tired of sleeping alone... Im tired of not having my own space... and ( Read more... )

I sit here..
sit here and think about all the things...
all the things I did wrong...
was I really that fucked up???
am I really that bad of a person???
Fuck this...
Fuck everything...
I am so done..
Done with the hurt...
Done with the DRAMA...
I am done...
so I sit...
working on me...
Fuck everything else...
and fuck you...

Am I worth it??? Am I worthy of love??? Am I worthy of being me??? am I worthy to even have this life??? I swear I am only throwing it all away... I am a huge piece of shit... I do nothing but cause pain and destruction... I try so fucking hard... Most words never leave my lips... I keep quiet... I stay silent... not to cause harm... not to start a ( Read more... )

I am more lost than ever... I am trying to figure out if I am really here... I am having fucked up feelings again... I am fighting my every thought to hurt myself... I often wonder if anyone would miss me if I was gone... the one who risked everything for me... to keep me alive... would she??? would Eva even really miss me??? would my Family???? I ( Read more... )

So I have therapy tomorrow... OH BOY!!!! hopefully I can get past all the bull shit and move on with my life.. I dont like feeling this way... I still feel really lost...