i just checked your facebook for the first time in probably a year or so. my heart dropped. shit. i'm so sorry.

the amount of deleted text that has mounted over the years would be enough for a novel. think something, write something, decide it's better if those thoughts never see the light of day, delete, repeat ( Read more... )

congratulations. i love you and wish you the best.

anxiety, my old foe, you're back with a vengeance when i need you the least. i've been uncertain about so many things these past few months, and now you've come back to remind me that i still haven't learned to tame my mind. people come and go from my life, but you, of all things, always return. i find no comfort in your presence and all i ask is ( Read more... )

Sometimes I can't help it. I'll stay away for a while, then do it all over again. Maybe I'm testing myself. The day I can read the words "in a relationship" and cease to feel anything is the day I'm over you. The day I can look at your picture without a racing heart and a flutter in my stomach is the day I'll know I'm not in love with you. The day ( Read more... )

I've always heard stories about how difficult it is to cry once you've been on T for a couple months. About how the feelings are there, but the tears just won't come. I must be hopelessly sensitive because nothing has changed for me in that regard. There are certain things that still make my eyes tear up as easily as before. I always sort of dread ( Read more... )

I've been on T for 16 weeks now, which is odd because I feel like I just started yesterday. At this point, most of the changes are gradual, so I don't really notice them although I'm sure they're happening. I know the shape of my face and body has changed, even though it's not something I notice on a daily, or even weekly, basis. Since starting T, ( Read more... )

I've been up all night coughing up a goddamn lung, and it's given me too much time to think of how alone I've been lately. I don't really have any support, and it's starting to wear on me. I don't regret a single thing, but when your own mom makes it clear that she thinks you're full of shit, it's fucking lonely. I guess I'm just disappointed ( Read more... )

I just promised myself that this will be the last time I cry over her, but who am I kidding. Despite the passing of time, despite pulling myself away from her, I still get a goddamn lump in my throat every time I remind myself that she'll never be interested. Fucking hopeless.

Posted via LiveJournal app for iPhone.

I've spent more than half of my life keeping my body hidden. I was ashamed of it. Disgusted by it. When I was a child, I swam shirtless like the other boys. But at a certain age, this becomes impossible. This was when I first learned shame. This was when I refused to let anyone see what my body was becoming. Hooded sweatshirts became my best friend ( Read more... )