Think Outside the Box
Before moving into the dorms my freshman year, I was really apprehensive about having a roommate. In such close quarters, especially for an obsessive-compulsive like me, living with someone in a dorm can easily become a torture one might find in the seventh ring of hell. But since the UCLA roommate survey boasted of its high ( Read more... )

Schiaphone
My phone is officially dead ( Read more... )

All Your Inbox Space Are Belong to Us
I get a ton of spam e-mail. Frankly, if I replied to every one I got, I could lasso a giraffe with my dick, reel it in like a marlin and sedate it with several kilos’ worth of quality, pharmacy-grade sedatives. This could be adaptive if I lived on the savannah, where wandering, hostile giraffes might pose a ( Read more... )

My Back to the Future
All this year, a shadow has been looming menacingly over my shoulders. Inching closer with each passing day, I have become increasingly aware of its presence, and it is entirely unwanted. Despite my denial of it, my sheer avoidance of it, I know it is coming ( Read more... )

On Every Corner
I shifted my weight impatiently, a quiet groan escaping in response to the seemingly endless wait. The air was redolent with the fragrance of coffee beans, mixing in a distressingly curious manner with the sharp odors of the vagrant behind me. The woman in front shifted, too, readjusting her leather purse straps on her shoulder. Her ( Read more... )

I’m With Cupid
I despise Valentine’s Day ( Read more... )

Not a Drop to Drink
Our water is not potable this week. I mean, really, the water isn’t all that great to begin with here. In LA, you never know, when it comes from the faucet, what your water will taste like - sometimes it’s okay, other times you’d be better off sipping from the municipal swimming pool ( Read more... )

A Chilling Story
I have two beautiful lady roommates, Christine and Rachel who, though beautiful before, thanks to the South Beach diet and discounts at Urban Outfitters, are now more beautiful than ever. However, I also have a male roommate, Adam, who by way of his major (psychology) has friends who ironically are all total nutcases, some of whom ( Read more... )

Shit-Talking
I feel it is my duty to mention another of my pet peeves which has become all too ubiquitous nowadays, in hopes that I might nip this behavior in the bud and prevent such an awkward fate from befalling others ( Read more... )

The Big Wave
While selecting a college, climate was a consideration. I didn’t even apply out of state, fearing the harsh winters of the east. “Every day on campus yields a beautiful, golden Los Angeles afternoon,” the UCLA pamphlet boasted, and after a blustery visit north to Berkeley, I happily decided instead to attend college an hour south in the ( Read more... )