ahhh, ok. another thing I realized on my trip was that I'm ok with myself. I don't hate myself anymore and I no longer believe I deserve to be hated. I am capable, I have friends, I am responsible, and I am content. all of this is kind of stunning to me because I have had so much self-loathing for so long..... but here I am. this feeling led me to ( Read more... )

yesterday I did mushrooms in Armstrong woods which is the nearest forest of redwoods... wow fucking powerful. I cried a lot and laughed a lot and stood in the peace of a 1300 year old forest... it was a perfect day. redwood trees grow in little clusters and over time the become one tree. they grow bigger and bigger and spiral around meshing into ( Read more... )

I'm happy and busy.
so much stuff is happening I cant even post about it all. but that's ok, its my life and I'm liken' it.

I find it humorous that I thought it would be so easy as to just tell her... that that could be the end of it... that I was to blind to see the reality of situations... it appears there was a reason I had no what-if-she-likes-me fantasies...the probability of anything being complete was too far outside of possibility to happen and my brain could ( Read more... )

fuck.... I got rejected by the girl of my dreams...

that's kind of disappointing....

I got my period on the full moon... nothing quite like feeling the pull of the tides ( Read more... )

I just went to see Fahrenheit 9/11... aside from all the tears I am left with three conclusions. they are 1) I need to do something NOW. 2) the capitalist system is the most effective pathology I have ever encountered... it makes it extremely difficult to accomplish any sort of dissent. 3) there is no God... not one that's going to save us, anyhow ( Read more... )

there is nothing that makes me feel uglier than shopping for a dress. today was horrible shopping day. I hate shopping. in the end I got a pair of shoes I like and a corset which I also like. I still don't know what I am going to wear tomorrow though ( Read more... )

I met this girl. I'm trying not to like her because, as with all connections in Santa Rosa, there is already drama that I do not want to be a part of. but... we get along fucking fantastically. I met her three days ago and we talked for 7 hours. then I saw her yesterday for another several hours. and then I'm going to hang out with her tonight... ( Read more... )

oh fuck. functioning. I'm shaking like I'm shivering- all the adrenaline chemicals doing their anti-climactic thing. tonight I hung out with Lilith. and Jessica, Adrian, and Tony. I am unable to process coherently right now, but the point of processing isn't to be coherent. I haven't talked to her in like a week and then she called me back. I was ( Read more... )