I had my first canning experience today, thanks to the tutelage of my friend Inga. I made a meyer lemon-blood orange marmalade, and a kumquat marmalade. Next time I think I'll use smaller jars so I can share with more people.

Yum!

Once again I'm worrying about worry. For the last week or more I've been waking between 4:00 and 4:30 with a shot of anxiety that prevents me from going back to sleep. A couple of mornings in San Diego I was able to get back to sleep for another hour or so, but otherwise I've been waking up that early regardless of how late I make myself stay up ( Read more... )

I talked to mom today about wanting to let go of my anger and hurt but not knowing how. She mentioned a meditation from a Deepak Chopra recording that she listened to recently. Says Deepak, “Every decision I make is a choice between a grievance and a miracle." In this meditation you repeat to yourself, “I let go of the grievances. I choose ( Read more... )

My little pity party is fading more each day, and I'm actually feeling relieved to be back on course. That little fantasy was just that - a fantasy. Hindsight is so amazing. It feels like I'm looking back at the last month through a polarized lens. It finally got turned just the right way to filter out the glare and I can see of all the little ( Read more... )

Many of you, my wonderful friends and family, have commented that Andy not being attracted does not exactly compute. There had to have been some attraction, or he wouldn't have been getting off and telling me that I'm good in bed. I agree that that's confusing and it doesn't compute for me either. Maybe it's just a lot easier for him to avert ( Read more... )

Well, that didn't last very long, did it? A 1 month relationship is a new record for me. FUCK ( Read more... )

I saw my old manager (as in previous, not elderly) today and we briefly caught up on our news. I talked a little about being in a new relationship after being single for so long and how I suddenly am negotiating all kinds of unfamiliar situations. Andy occasionally invites me to do things I would normally avoid (church events, swing dancing, ( Read more... )

The subject that currently occupies the majority of my head space is my relationship with Andy. I'm having a bit of a dilemma about how much to write about it in this public forum. I'm a little afraid of compromising his privacy or telling the world things he might not want public. I'm also afraid that he'll be hurt if I write something that he' ( Read more... )

As it turns out I really miss updating the pudding club. It's not that I miss the infertility treatments, the giant, bloated, painful ovaries, the suppositories, the shots, and the bleeding of my bank account. But I do miss writing about my experiences, thoughts, fears, and dreams. Knowing that my posts would be read by others motivated me to ( Read more... )

Maximum level of anxiety (1-10): 4 ( Read more... )