One step forward and then two steps back. Nine days left and the one thing i needed to go right, didn't! I wanted blood today, to feel that sting as the blade cut through my skin. Its kinda funny how the pain has become a confort. And i'm in conrtol of it. How far it goes, how deep. How much it bleeds. Strang how that would be a confort.

So apparently does still hurt

And as far as being selfesh, i've had some of the best teachers. But then is it so selfesh to get 1 or 2 things i want. When you get everything you want? Where has thinking about others really gotten me? But again, how much do they really know me? I'm sure if they all had a change to read this they would confuse truth with bitterness. But ( Read more... )

Friendship, its interesting. The definish of it changes and varies. But the sad reality is, none of the people to call me there "best friend" don't really know a single thing about me. But then you want to get mad at me for not calling or being there when you need a friend or for being selfesh(as you call it). A phone goes 2 ways, if i'm the only ( Read more... )

Soon i shall be free!

My grandfather was from minnesotta then joined the army. I guess i had it in my head that he got out and saw the world. But i can't seem to remember for sure. But thats what i've always wanted to do. Christine thinks my confusion of what i'm doing is something telling me not to move. But for what i want to do, how do you pick a starting point? The ( Read more... )

I'm starting to get tired of these dreams. Dreams are said to be your inner selfs way of working out think things the waking world can't. There suppose to work together. Something thats on your mind while your awake kinda plays out when your asleep in order help the mind prosses. So i guess its no wonder that my dreams are so confusing. Not all ( Read more... )

I have 12 days to deside if i'm going to by a plane ticket to minnesotta or go to bonnie lake. Minnesotta's where i want to end up so i guess i'm not really sure why i'm having suck a hard time making up my mind. I think mike lives close to salem, which is one of the places i've wanted to live. I could have everything settled with my landlord by ( Read more... )

My rooms almost all packed. This isn't taking as long as i thought it would. I guess i don't have as much stuff as i thought i did. I should have my apartment packed up in no time.

13 more days...