So I go on the computer this morning and see an open file, it says like xxx ashley something. I click it and it's a porno of some blonde chick getting fucked over and over. Now my first thought is I thought Dave didn't like blondes... dumb I know. Then my next thought is we just had sex last night and he was still up looking at porn jerking off to ( Read more... )

I think I need to keep things to myself. I at least need to stop retelling stories at work. There's a cute bartender at the bar we go to that was completely flirting with Dave in front of me on saturday. And he was flirting back. See I dwell on things. I let it go and now I'm almost in tears about it. I don't want to bring it up and keep showing ( Read more... )

I hate venting about things and emotions that I try to keep inside. Or rather not talk about them b/c Im afraid I'll just focus on the more after finally admitting them. But Im unhappy. I feel like Im fighting a losing battle with Dave. I feel that after everything we've been through after all hes put me through I have tried hard to change and put ( Read more... )

 The past 2 weeks, I have been a mess. At first I thought it was b/c of Dave pushing me to my limit. But it just keeps happening. Im a wreck, happy one minute sad the next. 
Being a girl sucks lately I find that none of my clothes look good one me that my hair looks horrible, I look incredibly fat just every stupid girl thing possible To the point ( Read more... )

So many things have happened. I am not going to go into the nitey gritty details of all the horrible weekend I have had. Needless to say me and Dave had a falling out on varies events and actions. This weekend I was told horrible things, things I never knew he felt and never thought he would ever feel. I have had my heart broken, every tiny piece I ( Read more... )

Maybe Im reading too much into it... 
Yesterday I had a crazy dream about Matt, he was kissing all over me and wanting me back, but me and Dave lived with him and Dave walked in on Matt kissing me and ran off and I tried to stop Matt so I could talk to Dave and it ended up being me having to choose between the two of them (which is kind of weird ( Read more... )

For the past couple of weeks I have been dream about Matt a lot. Good dreams, bad dreams... So I kept thinking about him, and pathetically wishing and hoping that he would come back to me or be thinking about me. Last night I realized that this was very immature and pretty much impossible. So I need to let this chidlish dream go, its never going to ( Read more... )

 Geez... Im so back and forth. First of all I pretty much completely agree with my last entry. Matt was/is the love of my life, as of right now I dont see me finding anyone better then him. So what do you do with that? You settle, you settle with the fact that you've lost the love of your life and take whatever is next best. Which is Dave. I have ( Read more... )

I've said before that so far in my life I have never loved anyone as much as I loved Matt. I was scared that he would be it, that I wouldnt love anyone else as much. But I told myself no, I'm young I'll find someone better ( Read more... )

I hate when I dream about him ( Read more... )