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Always thought it flattering to be thought of, but never realised how much more flattering it must be to be someone another person is having trouble forgetting.
Never had experience as the latter and I don't think I could and would ever allow it to happen. Not for my own gratification, at least.
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I woke up exactly at 7am even though I fell asleep only at 2.43am (i know because that was the message timestamp -- I find myself asleep in the midst of engaging whatsapp conversations now, it's like sleep just hits -- was wide awake at 2.43 replying a message and somehow an immediate reply at 243 itself goes unread until this morning). I was woken ( Read more... ) -
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I don't know what is running through my sister's mind when she's telling me about her traumatic childhood and her strained relationship with my mom in general. It clearly affected her a lot and still affects her now. And she seems to have the need to talk about it, for it comes up in almost every of our conversations. She'd tell me stories about ( Read more... ) -
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After two weeks or so on my new regime of high intensity workouts, what I've realised is that I'm never able to reach the targeted level of intensity. Not once have I felt the alleged sense of can't-lift-this-weight-for-another-time or can't-run-another-step. My instinctive sense of self-preservation is too high and my will too weak. Can't seem to ( Read more... ) -
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i really didnt want to let go -
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Anxiety is back and multiplying, I can't sleep. Please let this week pass fast or never..
Seems like everything but time can be controlled. Taming and conditioning my body now. Seems to be working, if it isnt, i still like the false sense of control i have, but I can't do anything to alter my perception of time on the treadmill. How I would die to ( Read more... ) -
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This feeling keeps visiting. The repetitive visits has caused the meaning and the significance of the event to be lost, but the materiality of the emotion has become obsessive. "As is the case when children repeat a word over and over again until its sense is lost and it becomes an incomprehensible incantation." Bizarre, how one can find resonance ( Read more... ) -
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They are right. It's worst when you wake in the morning. Super wtf when your mind is clear and well-rested -- at its most vulnerable -- and yet there's that inexplicable, rootless feeling. Totally defenseless with no repressive mechanism as protection. Worse when you're the only one who wakes up in the morning with no friend there to help cause it ( Read more... ) -
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Been a day and the dust is still settling. Feel like I've been cut and a cake of dust is forming but I'm not recovering. My position is unintentionally usurped forever by someone close and there really is no one to blame. I feel like I've betrayed two people but they probably don't even feel like I did, which makes this all the more crazy like I'm ( Read more... ) -
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I'm lying in bed. Been in bed since yesterday night after dinner. Wanted to watch a film on my laptop but really couldn't bring myself to look at the screen. All I did today was get out of the bed for breakfast and I came right back to sleep. Been meaning to post on lj since yesterday but the inertia to write was too strong.
So my thesis is done, I' ( Read more... )