This helps more than you know, Claire, thank you. Everything you've said has made perfect sense. I have already taken them to heart. I really think you could write a book on how to handle grief. I know there are a bunch out there, but yours is incredibly sound advice put in a very understandable, easy-to-manage way. I so so appreciate your help, I really do. Another piece of advice that my aunt gives is that as long as you're growing, you're ok. It's only when you're stagnant that you've really got a problem. I may be oscillating through some of the most intense emotions I've ever had, but as long as I'm able to grow from/with it, I know I can be ok. The one benefit from this tragedy is that I've been able to really connect with people I haven't seen or spoken with in a very long time, you included. So while the circumstances suck, I am glad to have reconnected. I miss you lots. We should try to visit at some point.
I wish I had something extremely profound to offer, like a cure-all, a way to make it all better again. But I don't. I agree with all the things said by the person before me. You've suffered a HUGE loss. You shouldn't belittle it or expect it to be something that will not matter anytime soon. Hell, I'm only just now feeling like I can say I'm getting over the hell Michael caused me, and I'm still working on Alex. It's a day-to-day thing. Something that helped me was talking to a therapist - a good one that tells me I'm NOT crazy. One of the best things he ever said to me was that I can't make the bad things in my past powerless, no matter how much I want to. I can't make them un-happen. They're always going to be real, they're always going to have an effect on me. I'm forever changed by them, and I have to be ok with that. BUT, what I CAN do is put them away. Like an old dusty book in a library on the very top shelf. I know every word in that book by heart, but I don't have to take it down and read it ever again. I can
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That does really help. Another thing that my aunt told me that I thought you might like is to remember that as long as you're growing, you're ok. This sounded like something you would say, and I thought I should share it with you.
I don't want to put you in a tough spot, but what might you say to spending Friday night here in Knoxville with me?
I already have plans for Thursday night in Bristol and JC. I could possibly see you sometime Thursday on my way through Knoxville. I'll give you a call and we'll discuss that further.
That might work...I've got plans with my aunt and cousin later Thursday night (around 7), and I'm working, but maybe we could at least meet for lunch? Let's talk about it. If you call after 5, I'll be able to talk.
A loooot of music, a lot of friends, and the knowledge that 1) whatever happens, it's out of my hands for now, and 2) nothing lasts forever (even cold November rain).
i went through a really shitty break-up situation at the end of my freshman year. turns out the guy had been cheating on me the entire year we were dating. anyway, i think the most important thing is to allow yourself to go through the things that remind you of the person, and grieve the loss. cry. yell. scream. just get it out.
but then, after you've done that, just try to stay busy. put the negative energy into something positive. i don't know what your preferred method of creative expression is, but i somehow produced one of my favorite pieces of writing as a result of a broken heart.
and hang out with your friends! A LOT. let them love on you. you need it right now.
Thank you thank you. Mine is not quite as bad a break-up, but almost. I'm learning quickly that this really is the best advice - to really let myself feel for a while, and to keep busy. Both are easier said than done, of course, but I feel I'm doing pretty well considering.
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love
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I don't want to put you in a tough spot, but what might you say to spending Friday night here in Knoxville with me?
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Love.
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Take care.
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but then, after you've done that, just try to stay busy. put the negative energy into something positive. i don't know what your preferred method of creative expression is, but i somehow produced one of my favorite pieces of writing as a result of a broken heart.
and hang out with your friends! A LOT. let them love on you. you need it right now.
good luck! love <3
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Thanks, Emily. ♥
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