Not Waving But Drowning - Chapter 5: T Minus 1 Month

[redrum669]

Master Post
Previous

T Minus 1 Month



Jensen steps out onto their patio and lets his eyes sweep through the garden. At a long table their family, friends and neighbors are chatting and laughing animatedly. Jared and Chad are standing over the grill, looking pleased with themselves as the roasted smell of steaks and burgers wafts up in the air of a beautiful, warm summer day.

With a little distance to the commotion, nearer to the buffet and beer cooler he finds Jeff, Jason and Jared’s brother. Perfect, he thinks, as he steps up to them. Means he doesn’t have to think of an excuse for Jared when he motions them to follow him quietly inside.

‘You gonna tell us what this is about?’ Jared’s brother asks as soon as they’re out of earshot, stepping up the stairs to his and Jared’s bedroom.

‘In a minute,’ he says, nerves starting to get a hold of him.

After closing the door behind them, Jensen turns and comes face to face with three pairs of raised eyebrows in curious expectation. Awkwardly he rubs his sweating palms against his thighs.

‘What’s up, man?’ Jason asks after a moment of his continued silence, putting on a soft, encouraging smile and Jensen feels himself calm down a little.

‘Yeah, so...’ he starts and takes a deep breath. ‘I wanna ask you guys something. Hear what you think?’ With those words he turns to his nightstand, and pulls open the bottom drawer. From the far back he takes out a tiny box.

‘Dude, is that what I think it is?’ Jeff says as Jensen straightens up again.

‘I, uh... yeah?’ Jensen mutters. He opens it to show off the titanium ring with two rows of golden ropes inlaid to it.

‘Boy,’ Jeff huffs and Jensen glances up at his uncle. Beneath his gruff beard he’s grinning. Jensen’s heart starts to beat a little lighter.

‘Shit,’ Jason gasps. ‘You’re going to propose? That’s awesome, man!’

‘It’s nothing fancy,’ Jensen says, quickly, ‘and it’s not an actual engagement ring, because, you know...’ He trails off with a sigh then shrugs it off. ‘But you think he’ll like it anyway? ‘Cause I spent weeks looking for one and I really don’t know what the hell, anymore.’

At that Jason knocks him playfully in the shoulder. ‘Dude, you could have told me. Nicole and I would have loved to help you pick one.’

‘I know,’ Jensen laughs. ‘And thanks for that, but this was something I had to do by myself.’

Jason nods. ‘It’s cool, I get it. I’m just excited about this, man. Call me a girl, but I love weddings - especially the bachelor parties.’ He wriggles his eyebrows.

‘Of course you do,’ Jensen chuckles. Which also plays a little into the reason he didn’t ask Jason for help: the guy probably would have spilled the beans to Jared before he had even brought a ring. And that would have been awkward, considering Jensen was close to dismissing it as a stupid idea on more than one occasion. But here he is, as ready as he’ll ever be with only one important opinion still open before he’ll actually propose.

‘Jeff?’ He asks, tentatively. Jared’s brother has stayed awfully quiet, face blank. ‘You think your brother will like it?’

‘Jesus Christ,’ Jeff mutters, brushing a hand through his hair. With his other he picks the ring from its box to examine it closer. After a moment he wordless puts it back. The quiet attitude is so unusual for a member of the Padalecki family that Jensen’s heart starts to drop.

‘I think,’ Jeff starts and slowly a smile spreads on his lips. ‘It’s a damn fine ring.’

Jensen’s shoulders sag with relieve. ‘You’re an asshole, you know that?’

‘So, I’ve been told,’ Jeff laughs then sobers up. ‘Seriously, though, Jensen, you and me, we-’ he glances at Jason. ‘We didn’t get off to a good start and to say we went through a rough time would be an understatement. But,’ Jeff says and steps up to him. He places a hand on his shoulder and Jensen’s throat clogs up at the honesty in Jeff’s eyes. ‘But by now, I can’t imagine anyone I’d rather have for a brother-in-law.’

Jensen has to swallow around a lump. He nods hastily and croaks a heartfelt, ‘thank you.’ Then he takes a deep breath and asks, ‘so you think Jared will say yes?’

‘I’m sure of it,’ Jeff says with a confident smile.

Huffing a relived laugh, Jensen lets himself drop on the edge of the bed, the tiny velvet box clasped firmly in his hand. Then he suddenly remembers something and looks up at Jeff. ‘Do I have to ask your Dad for his permission first?’

Jared’s brother blinks at him then bursts out laughing. ‘Dude,’ he says. ‘He already thinks of you as part of the family. I think he’d probably be insulted by that question.’

‘He does?’ Jensen asks, in disbelief. Sure, he knew he was accepted by the Padaleckis but this?

‘You don’t even notice, do you? How you and him sometimes discuss shit for hours? You can talk and play baseball like nobody’s business. I swear he’s bragging to his friends about you. By now they even call just to ask him what you said about the teams this season and which is best to bet on.’ He grins. ‘Sometimes it’s so much of Jensen said this or my son’s partner did that, that I’m this close to getting jealous.’

Squirming in his seat, Jensen rubs sheepishly at his neck. ‘It’s just baseball.’

‘It’s not just baseball,’ Jeff chuckles.

‘Face it, dude. You’re actually likeable,’ Jason chimes in with a grin, raising his beer in a silent salute. ‘At times at least.’

Flipping him the bird, Jensen pushes back on his feet. A sudden rise in the volume of the voices reaches them from the slightly open window.

‘Looks like dinner is ready,’ Jensen says and hides the box again. As he follows his friends down the stairs, his uncle falls into step beside him.

‘It’s hard to believe,’ he says.

Jensen glances at him with a frown. ‘What is?’

‘That you and this closed off, angry young man I used to know are one and the same person.’

They reach the patio door and Jensen’s eyes immediately fall on Jared. He’s smiling, waving a meat poker. When he notices that Jensen is looking at him, he turns, wearing the silly ‘Step Back - Dad’s grilling’ apron Jared had actually bought for Jensen and his smile widens even further. Jared’s dimples go deep as white teeth and bright eyes shine in the sun. He waves over.

Jensen sighs, ‘tell me about it,’ and gives a small wave in return.



Jared takes a sip of his beer and leans back in his chair. His eyes keep flickering back to Jensen. He’s laughing, enjoying himself. Lily, Nick and the kids of their guests are flocking around him.

‘Your partner’s really great with kids, Padalecki.’ It’s said casually, maybe even a little impressed, but Jared tenses up nonetheless at his colleague’s words.

‘I guess,’ Jared says, with an off handed shrug. Maybe he’s paranoid, but he doesn’t like how Neil is eyeing the scene playing out in front of them.

‘I think it’s great,’ Neil’s wife Karen adds. ‘It’s so nice to see our Aaron come out of his shell.’

Jared watches how Jensen catches the five year old around the hips and lifts him up high. He swirls him around, imitating the sounds of a plane and the kid’s laughing out loud. His tiny hands tightly clutch the small football Jensen’s been tossing around with him and the other kids for the better part of the last hour. When he doesn’t watch, Nick wraps himself around Jensen’s leg and Claire, the 13 year old from across the street, grabs at Jensen’s arm. Shouting and laughing they all stumble to the ground. It doesn’t take long before the twins from Lily’s pre-school class throw themselves on the heap, too, Lily hot on their heels.

‘Tell me about it!’

Jared is drawn back to the conversation, by Fran Becker, Claire’s mom.

‘Claire has been so grumpy lately, I didn’t know how to treat her anymore. It’s good to hear her laugh like that,’ she says. ‘You don’t find that much anymore, today. A man showing this much devotion to kids that aren’t his own. Hell, even if they are their own, they sometimes still don’t...’ Fran trails off, glancing apologetically at Jared and Neil. ‘No offense.’

‘None taken,’ Jared says, but his mouth is beginning to feel dry.

‘It’s just sad, you know?’ Fran continues. ‘Her dad hardly calls her. She won’t say it, but I know Claire misses him.’

With a heavy thunk, Neil sets down his bottle. ‘Sometimes I’m ashamed by my own gender.’

Karen leans into him, seeking comfort. ‘It’s like these days all you see on the news are child abusers and murderers.’

‘Those monsters belong on the chair, if you ask me,’ Fran says, spearing her fork in a left over piece of steak. ‘No questions asked - just…’ she makes a cutting motion across her throat. Karen and Neil nod in agreement.

Jared swallows hard. Even the beer won’t go down smoothly anymore.

‘I hope someday I’ll find a man who’s a little bit more like you and Jensen.’ Fran glances up at him with a sad smile. ‘The world certainly needs more men like you.’

Smiling awkwardly, Jared shrugs. ‘We try.’

‘I bet your students are really fond of you,’ Karen says.

‘As much as they’re fond of your husband,’ he says, humbly.

‘Speaking of teaching,’ Neil says, nudging a thumb in the direction of Jensen. ‘How come he didn’t become a teacher? The kids obviously love him.’

Jared’s reply gets stuck in his throat as Jensen heads inside with the kids swarming around him. Hurriedly, Jared stands up. ‘Excuse me,’ he says at the confused, wondering - suspecting - expressions on Fran, Karen and Neil’s faces.

On his way he passes his brother, Jason and Tom. Something must show on his face, because their expressions turn to a frown. Tom even reaches out, calls his name, but he doesn’t stop. His heart is hammering in his throat as he spots the kids trailing back and forth between the kitchen and living room. Claire is handing out popsicles to the younger ones.

In the door to the hallway, Jensen’s kneeling on the ground, fiddling with the fly of one of the twin boys.

Jared freezes. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

Jensen straightens up, patting Ricky on the shoulder. He’s smiling, casually, as he turns to him. ‘His zipper got stuck when he was on the toilet,’ Jensen says and shrugs, confused. ‘Was just helping him out. What’s up?’

‘No,’ Jared says, exhaling wearily and brushes a hand through his hair. ‘Just,’ he nods at the group of kids slowly trickling back out in the yard. ‘Tone it down, a little, okay?’

Obviously taken aback, Jensen crosses his arms in front of his chest. ‘What?’

‘People are starting to talk,’ he huffs.

‘Are they saying that I-’ Jensen gasps, eyes growing huge.

‘No,’ Jared jumps in quickly. ‘I mean, not yet, and I just don’t want-’

‘Not yet?’ Jensen snaps. ‘You saying they have a reason to start thinking it?’

‘No, I -’ Jared starts, but it’s too late. He’s fucked up.

‘Do I look like a child abuser? Is it fucking inked on my forehead?’ Jensen gets right up in his space, angry huffs of air making Jared blink rapidly. ‘Or is it what you think? Is it, Jared?’

‘Jensen, I-’

‘Is it what you really think, Jared?’ Jensen shouts.

Shocked, Jared’s voice gives out on him. Jensen apparently takes his involuntary silence as an affirmative. Face contorting into a mask of pain and anger, Jensen shoving past him and out the patio door.

Scared and sorry, Jared runs after him. ‘Jensen, wait,’ he calls, but it’s futile. Jensen is about to round the corner that leads to their garage when Jared finally catches up. He grabs his arm, but Jensen flings around and shoves him hard by the shoulders.

‘Stay the fuck away from me!’ He screams as Jared is thrown smack on his ass in front of all of their guests. The deafening silence that falls over their garden makes them remember that they’re not alone. Jared looks up at Jensen, who is rooted to a spot at Jared’s feet, trembling all over. His eyes flicker back and forth between Jared and their guests.

‘Dad?’ Lily asks, her voice unusually shy and Jared’s head snaps around. Their daughter is standing with the other kids, one hand clutching her cousin’s. From her other the popsicle drips forgotten to the ground.

Jared hears Jensen suck in a breath. When he looks back up, Jensen’s gone. The door in the garden fence is still rattling in its hinges. A moment later, the clatter of Jensen’s bike that he’d left in the drive way reaches them. Jensen has taken off and Jared still can’t seem to get back to his feet.

Only when his brother and Chad appear at his side, helping him stand up, Jared gets a hang of himself. Terrified he stares into the shocked faces of his brother and his friends, who are hovering around him.

‘What happened?’ J.D. asks.

Jared swallows hard, hands going to tug agitatedly at his hair. ‘I fucked up. I fuckin’ fucked up. I’m such an idiot! Stupid, stupid, stupid…’
‘Jared, what did you do?’ His brother pushes.

He blinks, focuses on Jeff. ‘I... I told him to tone it down,’ Jared whispers.

‘Tone what down?’ Sandy asks.

‘With the children,’ he says, hanging his head.

‘Why would you do that?’ Jason asks, confused.

‘Yeah,’ J.D. says, with a lot more anger to his voice. ‘Why?’

He shrugs, clutching his arms around his chest. He opens his mouth but no words will come. Eventually, he croaks, ‘they were talking… about the way Jensen is with kids…’

‘I don’t believe this.’ Jeff huffs and takes a step back from him. ‘Is there a reason for you to believe there’s something off about it?’
‘No,’ Jared shouts, quickly. ‘Of course not.’

‘Then why?’

‘Because I - I didn’t want them to talk,’ he whispers.

‘You know,’ J.D. says, lips pulling into a sneer. ‘The guy was about to ask you to marry him.’

‘What?’ Jared’s head snaps up.

‘Maybe I’m missing the point here,’ Jason interrupts. ‘But what do you mean by ‘the way Jensen is with kids’?’

‘I’ve got the sinking feeling that we don’t wanna know,’ Tom mutters.

‘What? Why?’ Jason asks, growing upset. ‘Jared, what’s going on?’

‘God, I gotta find him,’ Jared calls. ‘I gotta-‘

‘Go!’ Jeff shoves him by the shoulders. ‘I’ll explain everything!’

With a grateful nod, he rushes insides, picks up his car keys. Tires burning, he chases after Jensen and tries to ignore the sinking feeling in his gut. He may just have destroyed everything they built.

He may just have destroyed Jensen for good.



Jensen rides down the streets like the devil is on his heels. And in a way it feels like he really is. Every damn time he thinks he’s caught himself a break his horned past comes back, with its goat feet and flaming trident, to stab him through the heart. And the fucker is laughing all the while he is bleeding out; out of life and out of hope. Over and over and over again.

All he wants is some peace, if he doesn’t get redemption. But wherever he goes, he can’t get away: he escapes their suburban neighborhood, escapes children playing in the front yard, boys skating and biking up and down the street, girls meeting their friends at the corners. He rides like a mad man, a mom with a stroller or a dad hitching his kid up on his shoulders always in the corner of his eyes.

Schools, playgrounds, arcades, toy shops...

He does a turn. A screech sends him reeling. A hit against his rear wheel sends him stumbling.

‘Hey!’

Someone screams. It’s him. An unarticulated, furious fuck you to the world.

The guy steps out of his car, angry, shouts, ‘Watch where you’re driving, pal!’

Jensen tosses his bike hard against the Mercedes’ bumper. Then kicks after it for good measure. It leaves a satisfying dent in the metal.

‘Hey!’ The man shouts again, but Jensen doesn’t care. He turns, shoulders his way through dumbly staring bystanders, ignores the angry, ‘Wait! Get back here,’ because he doesn’t give a shit. Doesn’t give a shit about anyone’s precious possessions.

They don’t leave him alone, why should he?

But maybe that’s the key. His heart hammers in his chest, blood rushes in his ear. He can’t see what’s left and right. Only what’s straight ahead. It’s clear as day.

Alone. That’s the key word. The only constant in his life’s equation.

The variables are not family and love, but fear and exposure. The result isn’t happiness. It’s not even forgiveness.

It’s...

His foot catches on a crack in the sidewalk. He falls, hands reaching out. They close around a cold steel banister. The thunder of the roaring river beneath drowns out the pounding of his heart.



Jared almost drives past him in his haste. He ignores the honks, when he reverses and turns right on the bridge. Punching the hazard button, he jumps out of the car, leaving it running.

Jensen is leaning over the banister, propped up on his bare forearms. The harsh wind is tugging at his T-shirt, but he doesn’t seem to notice. There’re dirt stains on his knees.

He’s staring down into the bleak currents.

Jared clears his throat. ‘Jensen?’

On first glance it doesn’t appear like he has heard him. But the line of his shoulders tenses up, minutely, but Jared knows him.

Cautiously he takes a step closer. ‘I’m sorry!’

‘Go away!’ Jensen shouts and turns around.

‘No!’ He inches closer, wary of the fist Jensen’s balling at his side. The sidewalk is narrow, only a few feet between the edge and the street. Landing on his ass on either side would likely result in something worse than just ugly.

‘What the fuck do you want from me?’

‘I-’ He breaks off, takes a deep breath until he is close enough that he doesn’t have to shout anymore. ‘A second chance.’

Jensen grits his teeth, as he stares at him. Jared holds his eyes until Jensen averts his face and sinks to the ground, back against the banister, face buried in his hands.

Cautiously, Jared sits down next to him.

‘Why?’ Jensen asks.

‘Because I love you.’

‘Why did you say I - Why did you say that?’ Jensen snaps. His face is open, showing his pain like he has never before. A hand wraps tight around Jared’s chest, cutting off his air and stopping his heart. ‘Do you think that I would touch a kid? After all this time, do you really think...?’ He trails off. Jared watches Jensen’s face grow hard and cold. ‘Do you think I’m... I’m doing it to our daughter, too?’

‘No!’ Jared shouts. ‘For Christ’s sake, Jensen. I don’t think that.’

‘But you have doubts.’

‘I...’ he sighs, ‘shit.’

Jensen huffs a laugh, then suddenly he pulls himself back up and bends over the banister. With a nasty sound he vomits a mixture of steak, salad and dessert. Jared steps up behind him, worms his arm around Jensen’s body and rests his hand gently against Jensen’s stomach.

‘Don’t touch me,’ Jensen croaks, but his attempts to shake him off are weak. Jared keeps holding on to him, softly rubbing the contracting plains of Jensen’s abdomen.

‘Listen to me,’ Jared says. ‘I do not think that you would ever touch Lily, would ever hurt her. Her or any other child, but...’ he trails off, rests his forehead between Jensen’s shoulder blades. The shirt there is damp with cold sweat. ‘But I’m scared, too, you know?’

He exhales slowly, when Jensen stops resisting his hold. ‘And today, I got paranoid,’ Jared goes on. ‘Everyone loves you, Jensen, and all our friends think you’re great with kids. Like, exceptionally great.’ He pauses, taking a deep breath. ‘And then they went on talking about how you see all this shit on TV, lately... and... And remember that news report the other day? The guy they arrested for child abuse.’

Jensen nods. Under his hand Jared feels his stomach clench up again. ‘The coach of that youth group,’ Jensen croaks.

‘And I remembered how they interviewed all those friends and family of his and how they said he had always seemed like such a nice guy. How he always had an open ear for kids and just seemed to - to get them.’

Jared tightens his hold on Jensen. ‘And as I watched you with the kids, I thought maybe you’re too great with kids. And if I thought that, maybe someone else would think that, too, you know? Then you ushered them all inside and I just... I don’t know, I sort of panicked.’

‘They were bored,’ Jensen whispers. ‘It was the first barbeque at our place... they didn’t know what to do, it’s why I played with them. I didn’t think anything of it.’

‘I know,’ Jared sighs. ‘I’m just terrified I’m gonna lose you. Those four weeks you got sent away before Lily was born and I didn’t know when - if - they’d let you out… they were hell.’ He huffs a chuckle. Jensen does, too, leaning slightly back into his embrace.

‘Tell me about it,’ he mutters.

‘I don’t want a repeat of that.’

‘You think someone will accuse me?’

‘I don’t know. All I know is that I don’t want someone getting the wrong idea.’

‘You think the scene we created in front of our family, friends and neighbors is going to help with that?’ Jensen says, wearily.

Jared has to swallow hard, at that. ‘No,’ he mutters and steps back. Jensen straightens up and turns around.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jared mutters.

Jensen shrugs, burying his hands in pockets. ‘I understand,’ he says, eyes casting over the river.

Sighing, Jared asks, ‘Will you come back home with me?’

And finally, Jensen nods and follows him to the car, sliding into the passenger seat. He tosses a last glance outside the window, when Jared pulls back on the road.

‘Why here?’ Jared asks.

Jensen shrugs, resting his head against the window. ‘There’re no kids, here.’ He closes his eyes. ‘I was all alone.’

It’s then Jared realizes that no one walked by them and no car stopped to ask if they needed help. A much bigger fear than that of false accusations falls over him.

The way Jensen looks, Jared has no idea what could have happened if he hadn’t found him.



When they arrive back home, half of their guests are gone. Those who stayed are Jared’s family and their close friends. Jared’s mom, Sandy and Kristen are clearing the tables, while Chad, Tom and Mike are moving those that are no longer needed. The rest of the group is sitting at the remaining table, faces gloomy. Sophia and Megan are entertaining Nick and Lily at the sandbox Jensen had built for them when they got the house. They’re trying their best to appear happy for the kids, but Jensen can tell they’re not unaffected by the tense atmosphere.

The garden door creaks, as it falls shut behind them and all heads turn to him and Jared as they step further into the garden. Jason is up in a flash, pulling away from his wife, ignoring her when she calls after him. He’s closing the distance with long strides, eyes narrowed and solemn.

Jensen swallows hard, but motions Jared to stay aside when he attempts to step in front of him.

‘So,’ Jason says, as he comes to a halt, barely a few inches of distance between them. Their eyes lock, Jason’s expression hard like Jensen’s never seen before.

‘Is it true?’ Jason asks. ‘What Jared’s brother said? What your uncle said?’

Jensen takes a deep breath. ‘I was in jail. For child molestation.’ Jason sucks in a deep breath. Jensen can hear his teeth grind together. ‘But I did not do it,’ he goes on. ‘I would never touch, never hurt a child at all. I’d rather die.’

At that Jason’s shoulders sag and his expressions loosens up. ‘Damn it,’ he huffs, scrapping a hand over his head. ‘I couldn’t believe it, man. I just couldn’t. Not you, man,’ he says, and suddenly Jensen finds himself in an unexpected hug. ‘Fuck, I probably wouldn’t have believed it, even if you had told me you had done it.’

‘Thank you,’ Jensen gasps, clenching his hands in the fabric of his best friend’s shirt. ‘Jason, you-’

‘Shut up,’ Jason huffs, breathless and pulls back. ‘You’re my best mate, man. But didn’t I tell you not to drop bombs like this? You basically nuked me. Hell, all of us...’ He waves his arm in a sweeping motion over the garden, encompassing those who already left and the friends that are still there.

‘I’m sorry,’ Jensen says.

Jared protectively wraps an arm around his shoulder. ‘No,’ he says and turns his voice at their friends. ‘I’m the one who has to apologize. The reason we never told you was because there’s nothing to tell. He was set up, as I’m sure our family has explained.’ Jared sighs. ‘I’m sorry for creating a scene.’

‘It was because of that conversation you had, right? With your colleague and his wife, and - what was her name? Fran? Your neighbor with the teenaged daughter - wasn’t it?’ Tom asks. ‘I got bits and pieces of it. You were looking like you had sucked on a lemon, but I thought it was because of the topic in general.’

‘Yeah,’ Jared says. ‘I just got paranoid. And thinking back on how we-’ Jensen looks up to find Jared motioning at his brother, ‘reacted when we found out...’

Jensen takes a deep breath and, wrapping an arm around Jared’s hips, he holds onto him for support, when he says, ‘speaking of finding out. I hope that you still being here means you believe me,’ he pauses, heart growing a little lighter when he gets a collective nod of agreement, ‘but what about our neighbors, colleagues and...’ he almost doesn’t dare to ask, ‘the parents from Lily’s pre-school friends?’

At first no one answers him. Eventually J.D. speaks up, scratching idly at his scruffy beard. ‘Well, they gave mixed reactions. Mostly asked for some time to think.’

‘But I really believe it helped that they heard it from a police officer,’ Sarah offers, placing a hand on her husband’s shoulder. ‘Who is also a father.’

‘Let’s hope so,’ Jensen mutters. He’s got a little problem with sharing her belief, right now.



Later, in their room, Jensen is sitting on their bed, much like he did earlier that day. He thinks back to when he told the guys about the ring. About proposing.

Now, when he looks up, he’s alone in the room. Outside, it’s dark. Not even moonlight shines through the window. The small bedside lamp does hardly more than cast the room in eerie shadows.

Jensen flops back onto the bed, hands splayed over his chest, he drums his fingers against his ribs as he stares at the ceiling.

‘You know,’ he says, when Jared appears in his line of vision, a glass of water and meds in hand. ‘It’s been more than ten years since… since it happened.’

With a sad face, Jared holds out the water and a pill to him. ‘Please, Jensen?’

He blinks, wearily. He can’t bring himself to make his body move. ‘Sometimes I wonder what happened to Brian. And Chris. I did that a lot, when I was in prison, but not that often anymore over the last couple years.’

Slowly, he turns his head to Jared. ‘I did today, though. Do you think they got to live a normal life? Have girlfriends? Does Brian go to college or does he have a job?’ He pauses, when Jared sits down at his side. ‘Do you think Brian and Chris even remember me?’

‘I don’t know…’ Jared mutters and helps him sit up. ‘Do you want them to?’

He shrugs then tosses back the pill and the water Jared pressed into his hands. ‘I’m not sure,’ he says, wiping away a trail of water that escaped from the corner of his lips.

‘I don’t want them to,’ Jared says. ‘If I never hear from or even about them again, it’d still be too soon.’

‘I guess,’ Jensen says and curls up behind Jared, wrapping his arms around him. He pulls him close and tangles their legs, back and chest fitting like pieces of a puzzle.

Jared turns off the light, but neither of them goes to sleep. Eventually, Jared clears his throat. ‘Jensen?’

He hums.

‘I heard about…’ Jared pauses. ‘About what you planned to ask me.’

He tenses up, but doesn’t say anything.

‘If the offer is still on the table, I’d like to say yes.’

Relaxing again, Jensen presses his nose into Jared’s neck and whispers. ‘The offer is still on the table.’

Jared covers the hand he’s splayed over his heart with one of his own.

Chapter 6: T Minus Zero