I've discovered that I need a lot of time to myself to be mostly stable and calm. Living with other folks means I have less available energy to spend with folks who don't life with me.

I'm interested in hanging out, but right now I'm focusing on getting better for a while. So, I'm not ignoring you, and I still want to be friends, k?

So, it turns out I wasn't just stressed and run down with an annoying cold that made me want to die.  I was/am actually sick with what they believe is pneumonia.  Basically they poked at the chest ex rays, listened to me, and said it was probably pneumonia but they weren't going to wait around to be sure.  If it was, I would get better quickly.  If ( Read more... )

The weather shifted.  I can feel it in my hips, knees, shoulders, elbows, hands.  Rain?  I'm pretty sure that it will.

Sick.  I'm seriously messed up right now, and I know it.  Was non-functional yesterday between anxiety attacks and sudden urges to kill myself.  Am working on pretending I'm functional today.

NaNoWriMo?

17,979 / 50,000

I'm only 358 words behind official goal and 4,021 behind on my personal finish early goal.  How is it that I can be unable to deal ( Read more... )

So, I'm depressed and sick and randomly having anxiety attacks, but, oddly enough, that doesn't really affect my writing, just whether or not I can sit down to do it.

Weird.

OUT

8103 / 50000 16.21% Done!

Oh, and I made this:  http://addyrae.deviantart.com/art/Wistful-215380589

I've been sick, and I'm just going to trust you to understand that this is a massive understatement and then I don't have to elaborate.  Head sick and depressed and struggling with going outdoors for ANYTHING AT ALL ( Read more... )

It's strange to read back through this journal.  In it's own way, it's a record of my swings and struggles ( Read more... )

Up and down and flailing.  Exhaustion of the physical sort will let me sleep, but I wake in only a few hours (three most recently), unable to sleep and agitated.  I dream of hunger.  I check my food stashes, remind myself that I don't need to hide food anymore.  I remind myself not to be hostile and guard my food, remind myself to eat and that ( Read more... )

Things are good and things are bad ( Read more... )