It's my faux birthday and I'm just drunk enough to think, based on the interactions I've seen, that we never left highschool and all it really takes to make a girls panties fall off is a job and your very own car.

I have a job. Anyone? Anyone? Ladies?

First, I didn't have a fast connection and I had to do all my recreational piracy from the comfort of my confusingly naive employer. Then I got a slightly better job at a company that knows better than to allow unrestricted access to anything involving the word torrent. I got fast(er) internet access at home the very same week that both of my poor ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

You people are supposed to tell me that my email posts
get all mangled in the translation.
This shit looks like haiku written by somebody
who sucks at counting.

Today a man called me trying to find out if someone he knew was in the hospital. Technically this doesn't constitute the type of emergency I'm here to respond to, but I'm happy to help people out because I understand that no one wants to be desperate enough to call the hospital in the first place. I got another one of those calls today, and as ( Read more... )

( Read more... )

Every now and then I get this very clear image/memory of a thick steel plate ( Read more... )

People rarely take pictures of me, and I'm generally satisfied with that arrangement. Having given up on the idea of coming off handsome and/or dignified I now greet every brandished camera with a barrage of outright silly. In last year's family Christmas photos I'm singing love ballads to my wine glass, or trying to steal other people's out of ( Read more... )

Last night I stood outside and talked to a girl from my building, which is really only noteworthy because we didn't know each other and I was in my underwear at the time. I had forgotten to take the rent out before bed, so in my rush I brilliantly figured I'd just dash out and stick it through the mail slot in the landlords office door. Since his ( Read more... )

( Read more... )