Shit man, eat a bowl of granola. I dare you to. Fuck Ex-Lax and Preparation H. All you need is granola. Which reminds me of yesterday when John, Natalia and I bought a bag of sugar-free jelly beans that are supposed to have a "laxative effect" on you. I didn't get to try any, because I didn't want the shits while out on the road without a clean ( Read more... )

Peeping Tom fucking BLEW ME AWAY! It was like an apocalyptic fire pterodactyl fucking me in the ass. Motherfucker, they fucking tore that venue DOWN right from the start when they walked onto the stage. Once Mike Patton walked onstage with two women on his arms, the whole place just blew up like a goddamn hot chili vodka geyser. He instantly sucked ( Read more... )

After eating half a bucket of KFC chicken yesterday, you could guarantee that I was fucking bloated. So what turned into a single tablet of Rolaids to get rid of the discomfort of fullness, I eventually ate the whole pack. Dude, mint-flavored Rolaids are the shit. Maybe that's why I've been feeling weird and have a bad taste in my mouth, even two ( Read more... )

I think the Jelly Belly people have the vomit-flavored jelly bean all wrong. Vomit never tastes the same for more than once, even if it's just water. Everybody's stomach fluids are different, and stomach fluids are in water vomit also. But, vomit is always varied in taste, color, and texture - because of what the fuck you ate ( Read more... )

Yesterday I woke up with the most horrifying headache known to ever exist on any living being. I could guarantee you it was almost the equivalent of getting your head sawed down the center with a chainsaw, but I wouldn't know that. School was cancelled due to snow, and I couldn't make any use of it - I caught a fucking flu virus. I blame it on ( Read more... )

Warning: Soft Moment

I was just surfing through some craft blogs, and found the most adorable things in the world.


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Bitch!


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Can you believe that not a single creepy motherfucker guy with a nastyass, sourpuss boner bothered me today? Thank fucking goodness. Maybe the moon is done with that weird phase for now. Shit, just after typing that sentence one of them just IMed me. Motherfucker!!! I just jinxed myself ( Read more... )

Why is "Sexyback" such a good song? Jesus fucking Christ, I swear. But, like I've said before, only about 40% of the Future Sex/Love Sounds CD is any good. I also heard the same thing about JT's other album. He needs to put more effort into his music. I remember watching the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show (I don't know why, probably to watch Justin ( Read more... )

You know what? Fuck essays, dude. These are my worst when it comes to assignments. I just don't give a fuck!!! End of story ( Read more... )