I cannont but help myself fall into ponderous moods. The perfect atmosphere for contemplation leads to spiral knowledge and a transparent person. The silence of the mind which is opened unintentionally embraces calming things. The waving of pine trees in a strong wind accented by gray skies. A ballet of natural life unfolds to the music of the ( Read more... )

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im not perky
im not pretty
i dont always have good moods

i get down
i get depressed
ive thought dark thoughts, now repressed

im not good enough for you
which you were quick to point out
a quick hug for the road
its good preparation for life

i dont have the right contradiction
balanced to typical girl perfection

i

am

flawed

i really wish i understood people. sometimes i disillusion myself by thinking i can, or that i am empathethic with some people. but im not. and i just...really wish i could understand people.

when im happy, im a transcendentalist
when im sad, im an aetheist
when im mad, im a crusader
when im smart, im a prodigy
when im jealous, im a harpy
when im crazy, im a paranoiac
when im confused, im a vagabond
when i think, im a philospher

when im myself...im a contradiction

i had my first REAL date tonight...
it went well i believe
cooooooooooool

The world spins away ( Read more... )

i really hate it when other people have some hold of my emotions. especially when im not sure they can be trusted with them. and i ate being down over boys. well...on the plus side i should only have to wait until friday. then no more boys probably until college. only friends. thats all you really need. boys complcate things. A LOT ( Read more... )

i have a terrible fear of dying. gripping, unadulterated, cold fear. ive been an aetheist for a good portion of my life. but when my grandma died things got muddled. but when i do let the realist(?) inside think about things, i become convinced once again that there is nothing after this. for any of us. and teh terrifies me. because that means, ( Read more... )

why am i just so...ARGH?!!?!? i cant...just why...i dont understand!!! why cant i...or find...

im so confused about...everything...i dont...