working on disappearing

and I haven't really touched a piano in months.
Maybe thats whats wrong.

I don't know myself anymore.

Sometimes I just want to go back. To the way things used to be.
Sometimes I just want a hug. From the people I used to know.
Sometimes its good to look back and just remember.
All those good times.
Things were real.

I need some serious motivation and some serious money.
Im stuck.

I want to get married. I want to be a beautiful bride. With bridesmaids in beautiful dresses. And a big party with my whole family there. It will be beautiful ( Read more... )

My whole world has crashed. But im pretending it is ok. But I'm sick to my stomach every moment of everyday. And I am having nightmares every night. And any time I think about it, I get a deep intense pain in the pit of my stomach.

I thought i wanted to write about this. I cant, though.

I find it highly suspicious that both my email and livejournal passwords (which were the same) suddenly do not work anymore.

Whatever

What am I doing ( Read more... )

guilt
worry

how does this still effect me?

im hungry.

I have 3 huge projects to finish, and I can't concentrate for the life of me. Inside I have motivation, outside I have no energy ( Read more... )