If you are ever willing to offer me an explanation (and not an excuse), I am willing to listen.

How the fuck did this happen? I still can't believe all this happened.

My mind is all liquidy. I'll be more enthusiastic when it reverts back into a solid form. I finished my 150-question anthropology test in one sitting yesterday; from 1:30pm to 7:30pm I sat on the couch in the same exact position.. I didn't even get up to pee. It's sort of miraculous to me that I'm suddenly able to do all this schoolwork. It's not ( Read more... )

I spend almost all of my time consumed in thought, but it's always about society and cultural relativity, and the realm of consciousness, and the space between consciousness and unconsciousness-awake and asleep, whether humans have the capacity to manipulate science in order to allocate self-awareness into something that would otherwise be an ( Read more... )

I spent three hours Sunday and about seven straight hours yesterday on my fucking anthropology paper. We needed to choose a topic and find six different sources (magazine, encyclopedia, scholarly journal, website, newspaper, etc) that related to the topic and type up a couple paragraphs on each. And in addition, my professor is fanatical about ( Read more... )

At some point, my mom picked up a journalism career sheet from Jackson center. For a brief period of time as an eighth grader and again as a high school sophomore, I was interested in persuing political journalism, but that was shortly before the beginning of my benzodiazapine addiction, so it's not surprising I had essentially forgotten about that ( Read more... )

School did not start out well. I went the first day and couldn't get out of bed the next two days. I think I experienced what might have been the worst depression I've ever had, but the past two days it has receded a little. I had a small panic attack before class this morning. Luckily I was able to control it and force myself to leave the house, ( Read more... )

I slept more in the past 36 hours or so than I can ever remember sleeping on any other occasion without having to force myself to sleep. I really needed sleep. 
I just wrote something and then erased it because I remembered my parents can probably get access to this (if they don't already have it) since it is the family computer (obviously; the only ( Read more... )

If I could vomit up a candy machine, I would. And I would sell it to charity for $2,093,412,309,572,309,467.85.

It is very strange the way things work out.
I am going to be a freshman in college, and that is very strange as well. 
Most of the time, for one reason or another, I feel like my life is already over. But every once in a while I'll realize that I'm extremely naive in my thinking because, really, my life hasn't even started yet.