Geezus all I want is a big floppy white beach hat, a giant umbrella and a metal detector. do you have these things to lend? i want my beach trip to be of the classy liz taylor/mysterious hardy boys caliber. i cant wait to buy shell-glue-glitter creations that have googly eyes and get a peeling sunburn ( Read more... )

ate some rice-corn. the 'rents are finally moving out of my childhood home and i'm more sad about it than i thought i would be.

Today in chemistry I mixed a bunch of corrosive chemicals, including one of the most deadly to a rosemary: concentrated acetic acid. Luckily no deaths/sudden blindness today. Yesterday my bikini top came off every time I did the secret rope swing and a new acquaintance taught me a great way to shoo away lame-os: by flapping your hand while ( Read more... )

Walking home in the sun with dilated eyes was a bad idea. I saw Kenny Rogers in a mirage.

My favorite things to do ( Read more... )

Maybe if I just get hit by a car on the way then I won't have to take the final.

The other day I was eating cheetos in the great outdoors and a bird attacked my orange fingers.

"You were caught orange handed," said Pat. "Can I write a song about it?"

Last night the Fall played a private show for that wigged-out Cry Blood Apache boy and yours truly. I sat in Mark E. Smith's lap and told him what I want for Christmas.

In other news, my ass has grown to astronomical proportions. Some tell me exercise is the cure. I say, what a good excuse to go shopping!

My dad foiled a business plan with a fart.

He laments, "There's no closure with farting."

Heterotrash is so boring.