reading my last entry it was at the beginning of last year. now we are at the beginning of another. i would love to write about how all the time between now and then was everything i wanted it to be. i may not have everything i want but i have everything i will ever need. though everything i am still here. i am still here trying to be the best of ( Read more... )

a new year. another chance to get it right. how many years will it take. is this just an endless cycle? just a repeat? filled with questions that i just have to walk away from to keep a hold on anything. i cant take it. i just surround myself with situations only to blind my heart of where it really wants to be. my feelings, my soul, every ( Read more... )

it is currently snowing outside. even thought i was apprehensive for winter. i can say the snow looks pretty right now as its falling out of the sky. today is thanksgiving and i drove around all day listening to classic rock. oh well. the radio kicked ass today. how come when people arent likely to listen to the radio is when good shit gets played ( Read more... )

my own head feels like a curse. a curse that spans across the ocean sickening sailors lost at sea. if dead men tell no tales will memories be enough to live forever? the verdict has come in it says i am guilty for my sins. i thought i could escape but i finally felt the weight of my crimes. but instead of prison i will sleep alone tonight. why ( Read more... )

when i close my eyes, the back sides of my eye lids portray a life that i used to live. a life that felt young filled with laughter and moments that i will hold onto forever. i dont want to past time i just want to shut my eyes and remember. my senses take me back. back to home. the sight of beauty. the smell of love. a taste that never gets sour. ( Read more... )

even though everything is fine in my life, i miss foot caves.

it feels good to smile and know that its not a lie to everyone around me. my perspective on everything has changed. there is not one person on this earth that i hold a grudge with. i feel like i can actually breathe and fill more than just a bodily function. to relax even tho the bills pilled up from this past year. to look someone in the eyes when ( Read more... )

sometimes i just dont know what to do with myself so i just go back to bed. i dont want to hold on to things that were never there. i wish there was a pill to erase my brain. they have a pill for everything else. at least the fall is here. so many colors. i only wish my father is my angel standing by. ive been thinking about him a lot. with the ( Read more... )

i know there are somethings that i am never going to get the chance to explain. and my actions have deafened the ears that i wish would listen. i just want to forget. forget everything. disappear and sleep in my own grave that i dug all by myself.

how can you believe your faith when the science of everything that we are made of is born to die? i just want to hold on.