Courage.  I guess I always thought it would feel different.  Stronger.  Less aware of pain.

But here I am, feeling so weak.  And acutely aware of the sharp intakes of breath meant to help me stay upright.  How do I move with the flow when I'm still so sucked dry by pain?  Will it ever go away?  Will I have to move with it?  How does one make pain a ( Read more... )

I am pretty sure that while JE was quick to point out that life is war, he failed to mention that it's driven by snipers and terrorists.

It came after me today, full throttle.  Same exact attack that snapped me into full meltdown in December.  While I'm not in full meltdown by any means, I feel the suffocating weight of it pressing on me.  I feel ( Read more... )

RIP, Mr. ShinyPants.

You were a good fish.

For Christmas my husband gave me money to buy a watch.  He figured he'd just let me pick it out myself.  I've never had an expensive watch, and while the amount he gave me wouldn't buy a very expensive one, it would certainly be far more than I'd ever spent.  I told him I didn't need that much...I could go down to the Fossil outlet and probably ( Read more... )

Replevin--A judgment or decree made by a judge in favor of a person, authorizing them to recover all property or possessions wrongfully taken or stolen from them.

Validate--1 a : to make legally valid : RATIFY b : to grant official sanction to by marking c : to confirm the validity of (an election); also : to declare (a ( Read more... )

I remember being a child and being the brunt of various injustices.  The one thing I was not permitted to do was express anger.  Anger was shut down immediately, and no matter what may have sparked it, I felt deficient for having felt it.  I recall once being told by my parents what I was going to do in a situation where the outcome was important ( Read more... )

It's been a long day.

I get to the end of this long day realizing that I'm not exactly the same I was when I started it.  It comes with the territory of being unexpectedly seen, I think.  Seen all the way through, gently exposed, words given to wordless pieces of me.  Permission to stop holding it together.  Recognition of the assault I've been ( Read more... )

That smell.  It almost brings tears to my eyes.  It's the smell of love, of healing.  It's still clinging to me, eleven hours later, reminding of the first time it clung to me, in July of 2004.  It's on my forehead and in my hair, my bangs.  Sometimes I turn my head and get a small whiff of it.  I hope that when my life is over and I'm entering the ( Read more... )

To whom it may concern:

This journal is guarded by the power and authority of the Holy Spirit.  It belongs to a child of God.  As such, it is off limits to any who come at the bidding of unclean spirits who wish to meddle, twist, or otherwise interfere with the journey of this daughter of the Most High.

Any who come to spread doubt, unbelief, ( Read more... )

It's 9am and the pressure is already mounting.

I have a severely jammed finger (middle finger of my right hand), a bruised thigh, I'm on my fourth day of being housebound with sick kids, my 18 year old son decided to engage in underage drinking last night,  I won't be able to get to the soaking room this morning (or this week), won't be able to get ( Read more... )