What I'm trying to remember everyday


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I have been doing so great. I stopped my meds. Day 3 without them and I still feel awesome! Last night I did event security and was working for 15 hours. I had a bad moment where ed almost got back in. He was telling me I couldn't eat the pizza bought for our staff because everyone would watch me. And think I'm fat. After texting with my husband he ( Read more... )

I seriously have the best marriage ever. My husband is amazing and I can honestly say I'm done with ed!!! I feel like it's not real I had shut that voice out, I'm scared it's going to come back, but I keep thinking that my marriage is better than ever, I am the happiest I've been in months and I feel great!! Here's to being fit and healthy and not ( Read more... )

Last week was the lowest week if my life. Yet it opened my eyes so much and has led to some of the most amazing things I could ever ask for. I am closer than ever with Justin, we are more passionate, open, and honest. It's amazing. I wish this would have happened years ago, yet I'm glad it happened when it did because it's leading to great things. ( Read more... )

I'm having the best week so far!! Loving my new world!

Today has been great!!! Justin (husband) had a great idea to have me break the razor in half that I cut with. Great way to start off the morning. We went to breakfast, drove around the lake and had some great talks and laughs! We came home, got lost in each other took a nap and got up to start cleaning our house together. I have known that ED my ( Read more... )

Today will be a good day!

Today's question/answer
What does ed want from me?
A: to be thin. To not eat. To workout. To cut. To lie. To hurt.
What do I need to do today to keep strong with recovery?
A: Enjoy my day off with my amazing husband. Forget about calories. Forget about the world. After all it's nothing without him.

Today will be good.

I found this today at a little place my husband and I stopped at.
There were probably 50 of them out and that was the only one I saw.

Try recovery.


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I cut today.
deep
It didn't hurt. I just stared at it. As I realized how deep it was and that I could actually seem veins. Blue. Through the giant gap that now exists on my wrist.
I ran for paper towel as blood started pooling to the surface. I got it cleaned up but it did eventually start hurting. Now it hurts to move my wrist. Hurts to use it.
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Today was ok. Last night I told my husband about the cutting. He called to check on my three times while he was at work. Huge rarity for him. I don't want him to treat me like a mental case.
I have been crying all day. Hating myself and trying to stay strong for him. So he doesn't hurt because of me. I broke down at the gym on my second set if ( Read more... )