Dear Friends ( Read more... )

I rack my brain on what to write. I try to put all the puzzle pieces together into something that makes sense. It doesn't work. I haven't written anything in weeks and I feel it will be many more weeks before I write again.

Yeah well, life just sucks right now. I hate Summer. Summer means depression and believe me depression has been my best friend for the last couple of months. So much so I haven't had much interest in blogging.

Morning apathy -- afternoon numbness -- evening depression.

That's my day laid out for me. Every fucking day.

Yeah well today was the day from hell. Bordem took over ever fiber of my being. I thought about suicide a few times. Slitting my wrist, hanging myself from the balcony and taking all my pills. I just can't handle weekends. It's something about them that drives me up the wall. Drives me crazy.

Ugh, more later . . .

I broke royal advisor number two when I sat on him in the chair.

I'm thinking about taking down the pictures of the rats hanging on the back of my door because everytime I see them I get sad and sometimes cry.

The diet is going down the tube. I'm trying to watch what I eat I just get tempted. Oh well, let's see how this coming week goes.

Josh left a note on the kitchen table stating "I am not feeling well. Let me sleep!" How thoughtful of him.

I need a note stapled to my forehead. "I am not feeling well. Let me be a cruel bitch!"

Oh my God. I'm in hell. I need an IV of Effexor as soon as possible. My dumbass has been forgetting to take it for the past few days which is why I had the breakdown yesterday because of a stupid binge. I don't get that bent out of shape over a stupid binge. That's something anorexics do ( Read more... )

Today I have remained under 1000 calories, quit smoking, and quit taking caffiene pills. I also went to the store to purchase some pants but size 4 was too big for me so I had to drop down to size 3 which means I wear a size 3 pant in juniors. I'm excited about that.

These bugs! What are they?! Where are they coming from ( Read more... )

It's 5:45 am and I can't sleep. Guess this will teach me NOT to go to bed at 5 pm and expect to sleep the whole night through.

There are these nasty bugs flying around my computer screen because I'm sitting in the dark. I'm doing my best to keep them all at bay. Okay I'm going to battle bugs and I'll update more later.