well for fucks sake!

[sam_mendes]

Kate Winslet is a woman under the influence of evil. This is my baby! Mine! She promised me her second born child! My gay lover and I want a baby and damnit she has our bun in the oven! She's completely lying about it being Jamie Hewlett's. I wouldn't trust him with a child. What's he going to do? Teach the kid to cut himself and draw women fucking

Comments

[kate__winslet]

Sam, dear, we've not had sex in an awfully long time. It'd be rather difficult for this baby to be yours. You could go adopt, though honestly the idea of the two of you with a child is terrifying. Thanks for your support, love :-*

[sam_mendes]

Hmph. I am doign anything but supporting you and that spawn of Satan. Let the press think it's mine. I'll see you and your loverman in court.

[kate__winslet]

Ha! I'd love to see that, I really, really would. You'd actually want to make a fool of yourself like that? Honestly, Sam, I thought we were beyond stupid, petty things like this. You've your life and I've mine, and it's worked rather well up until now. And have you ever met Jamie? No? I didn't think so. You've no place to criticise him at all, you know nothing about him or our relationship. I don't publicly criticise you and your lover, I'd hope you'd give me the same courtesy. But yet again it's clear you're not the man I once thought you were. Please, go ahead and try to make an issue of this. You'll only find yourself embarrassed.

[sam_mendes]

Honey doll, it takes a lot more to embarrass me than this. I'm just speaking my peace because I do believe I have that right. Whatever, I'm happy for you and I hope you get your 2.5 children and a white picket fence. Just don't come running to me for child support when he decides it's not his after all.

Go Shrek yourself, Mendes

[jamie_hewlett]

Listen up you trollish cocksucker, because if I have to repeat myself the only court you'll be attending is judgment in the afterlife.

I know very well this nipper is mine. Not yours, not fucking Demon Allbran's, and it ain't fucking immaculate conception. The moment that lucky sperm scored Kate's egg it was my name she was screaming out, guaranteed.

Go back to auditioning singing jackasses for your shit awful musical and stay the hell out of this.

You look like a man who loves giving head.

[mnightshyamalan]

He's very good at his job don't you worry hot stuff. The French say an orgasm is like a tiny bit of death so I almost send him to the afterlife a good three to four times a day. You're not as tough as you want people to think. :-*

I wonder if the lucky sperm was also brandishing a weapon of some kind. Let's not be so aggressive Jamie, if you want to come and join us then by all meas. All you have to do is ask. I can see why you would want to. Sam is a very sexy man. He makes me purr even while he's fucking me with a large foreign object d'art.

Maybe after this he'll be able to direct Tank Girl 2!!

You look like a man who'd be better off dead

[jamie_hewlett]

Christ, everyfuckingtime you run to his rescue. It just goes to prove what a pussy he is. At least the woman I defend actually is a woman. I've had about enough of this. One more word from either of you, just fucking one. Make my day.

Handjobs more your cup of tea?

[mnightshyamalan]

I love it when you point your fingers at me. Now how's about you drop the hand down to my crotch and grab a hold of my dick. :-*

Is it not customary in England to stand by your man? I know Kate's not a man but she's a fantastic faghag and really same difference right? Jamie, you're making me hard. I've said more than one word big boy what sorts of deliciously torturous things will you be doing to my warm and supple body?

Remember Sam will have to be there too otherwise he gets jealous. ;)

[im_not_opie]

THAT WOULD MAKE SUCH A GREAT MOTW!!

[sam_mendes]

OMG you're SO right!!1 You should come over to England sometime and we'll play with our Best Picture Oscars *wink*